Friends Series 11
by OncomingBadWolf
Summary: I'm putting on a whole new series of friends! New episode now up - 'The One With The Day-Care' Episode 14 of 23!
1. TOW Ross snores

**The One Where Ross Can't Stop Snoring**

Disclaimer: I do not own friends. What a shame.

Based just after season ten. Joey has not moved away and is still living in his apartment (or not, as the case may be). Rachel and Ross are together and living at Ross' place. Monica, Chandler and the twins have moved to their house in the suburbs, and Phoebe and Mike are living together in Phoebe's apartment.

Summary of ep1: Joey has been evicted, but luckily Rachel tells him that he can stay and live with her and Ross. Meanwhile Monica and Chandler try baby siting, whilst Phoebe has problems of her own as she finds Mike gives incredible massages.

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It was lunchtime and Rachel, Monica and Phoebe sat in Central Perk on their usual orange sofa, drinking coffee and chatting.

"Hey Mon," said Phoebe. "You have a big house, right?"

"Yeah … but I really don't wanna let you use it for sex again. I mean I know you and Mike are trying to get pregnant, but I really don't think using a bigger house will-"

Phoebe shook her head dismissively, "No, no, don't worry, its not that."

"Oh, then what?"

"Well I kinda told Frank junior that I would look after the triplets this week, coz' him and Alice are going on vacation – you know to retingle the gross woman-boy love they have. But I just remembered I'm ovulating and Mike and me have plans to, you know, make triplets our own. So I was wondering if you maybe…" Phoebe gave Monica a pleading look, "have room for three adorable children?"

"Ok, I guess," Monica said, smiling as she was actually always jumping at the chance to fill her house with kids.

"Oh, goody! Yeah, you'll all have such a wonderful time! They're at such a fun age, yeah, they're always, you know, climbing up things, or chasing things, or jumping into things, or grabbing things… you'll have so much fun!"

Phoebe leant forward and picked up her coffee, failing to see the look of horror on Monica's face that Rachel found so amusing.

**Opening credits**

The girls were still drinking their coffee when Joey walked in twenty minutes later. He wasn't in a very good mood and didn't reply when all three women greeted him as he sat down in the chair to his left, but instead stared moodily at the coffee table.

Rachel stared at Joey for a moment, "Joey? You okay?"

He looked up suddenly as if noticing the women for the first time, "Oh, um, hi. Yeah, I'm… okay."

"You sure? You like someone just ate your sandwich." Phoebe said.

"Yeah, well I feel like someone just ate my sandwich," Joey muttered, sadly.

"Why? What happened?" asked Rachel.

"Well I, uh, I kinda got killed off Day Of Our Lives today."

All at once the girls called out words of outrage and remorse, angry that their friend could be killed off his show for a second time.

"How? How does it happen?" Rachel asked.

"I…" Joey clears his throat, a little embarrassed and goes on, "I kinda fall outa bed."

There is silence for a moment, until Monica breaks it with a mutter of, "What do you? How-? Wha-? What is-? … What?"

"They – they make Drake fall out of bed. According to the producer Drake's brain is so delicate that even a bump like that can, well, squash it." Joey said, shrugging sadly.

"But that's so unrealistic." Rachel stated.

"Yeah, well, that's soap opera's for you."

"Oh, well don't worry Joe, I'm sure you'll show them, you'll totally bounce back." Phoebe assured him.

"Yeah, I guess, but the thing is, I have another problem."

"What?" quizzed Rachel, "Someone really did take your sandwich?"

"No, I uh," Joey sighed, ready to divulge something he found rather embarrassing. "Well I now live on the street."

"Where!" Phoebe exclaimed, causing the other three to look at her, "I mean, what's that now?"

"Well, I've been so busy lately I kinda forgot to do some stuff…" muttered Joey, trailing off.

Monica sighed, "Like?"

Joey gave the girls an apologetic smile, "Pay the rent."

"Well you are – sorry, were – a soap opera star, why don't you use that money and pay now?" asked Rachel.

"Cause I kinda don't have any of that money left." Joey said, once again in a rather apologetic tone.

"What you spent it _all_ ?" exclaimed Phoebe, "What on?"

"I don't know, candy mostly. Look the point is I don't have anywhere to live, so," he looked pleadingly at Monica, "Is it okay if I stay with you and Chandler for a little while?"

"I don't know, I just agreed to baby-sit the triplets for Phoebe, so it's going to be pretty jam packed." Monica told Joey sadly. "They're gonna have to use the Joey room."

"Oh," Joey bit his lip and stared at stared back at the coffee table.

"You could stay with me and Ross." Rachel decided suddenly.

Joey looked thrilled, "Really? Oh Rach, that'd be great! Thank you so much," he got up and gave a hug, but then as he sat down his smile faltered slightly, "But won't it be tight, I mean it's a small apartment."

"No," Rachel said, "There are two bedrooms, that's enough."

"Yeah but, doesn't Emma sleep in the other one?" Joey asked.

Monica gave a laugh, "Ha, no Joey, Emma sleeps in Rachel's room because Rachel believes that if she's twenty yards away from her baby then the universe will implode."

Phoebe gave a cry of shock, "Oh my God, that's what will happen if I use a computer!"

The other three just smiled in a bemused way and drank their coffee, now quite used to their friend's regular weird outbursts.

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After work later that day Rachel arrived back at her and Ross' apartment to find it a total mess. There were boxes littered around the place, furniture had moved to make way for other things and in the middle of it all sat Ross on their couch with Emma at his side, playing with her Barbie doll.

"Um, hi sweetie," said Rachel frowning. "Did someone throw a bomb in here?"

"Hey honey," Ross said, going forth and giving her a gentle kiss on the lips. "Ha, that's funny, um yeah Joey asked me to help him move his, uh, stuff in ... Say, here's a question; why is Joey asking me to move his stuff in?" Rachel just stared at Ross for a moment, failing to find something to say. "So when exactly uh," Ross went on, "When were you going to tell me you invited Joey to move in?"

Rachel hesitated, then dared give Ross a small smile, "Now."

Ross sighed, "Rach, it's not that I don't like Joey's company, but it's a small apartment for four people, and uh, you should have told me you were inviting people to move into my apartment –"

"Your apartment?" Rachel interrupted.

Ross stared for a moment, realising his mistake, "Uh, sorry, sorry, I meant our apartment. Look, all I'm saying is I think we should talk about stuff before you just start moving people in without telling me."

"Well we didn't talk when you bought them dinosaur sheets to put on our bed, but I think I was very understanding about that – and believe me, a lot of girls wouldn't be."

Ross hung his head and nodded, recoiling slightly at the memory of Rachel finding the quilt, "Okay, fine, you made your point, now would you please drop it with the quilt, it was on sale."

"Yeah, and so were twenty other normal ones Ross!"

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Monica was, as usual, cleaning. She was scrubbing the TV with her homemade polish when the doorbell rang. Sighing, she went to the door to see who it was. As soon as she opened three blurs ran in all directions, one upstairs, one into the living room and one into the kitchen. Left alone at the doorway was Phoebe, but she didn't stop long.

"Hi," she said, passing Monica a large suitcase. "Okay, everything you need is there. Okay … bye."

"What? Wait, phoebe," Monica called, " I thought they weren't coming until tomorrow."

"Yeah," Phoebe nodded, "Well change of plan, they're here now instead."

"Okay, fine… so, do you want to come in for some coffee?"

"I cant, me and Mike have plans. You know, I could stop ovulating any minute, so I gotta go."

"Wait, Phoebe!" yelled Monica, but Phoebe had already hopped back into her cab.

Just then Chandler came into the hall from the kitchen with a slight frown on his face, "Um honey, should I be concerned that there's a small child emptying our cupboards?"

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Phoebe and Mike lay in bed, both exhausted but with huge grins on their faces. Phoebe turned to face Mike and gave him a wet kiss on the lips. "You sure know how to please a girl Mike Hanagen," she said.

Mike grinned broadly, "Oh, I know."

"Hey, uh, before we go to sleep, do you want a massage, you know, to relax you ... It's free!"

"Sure," Mike turned over and lay on his stomach, whilst phoebe pulled down the sheets to his lower back and began massaging him. "That is, as always, incredible," said Mike, smiling, "But you might want to loosen your wrists a little."

"What?" said Phoebe shocked.

Mike stiffened, realising his sudden mistake, "I mean, uh, you – you're doing great."

"I'm sorry, but are you telling me how to do the thing I do everyday?" asked Phoebe slowly. Mike didn't reply so she went on, "Do you think you can you do a better job than me Mr better-at-massages-than-the-one-and-only-Phoebe-Buffet?" she frowned slightly and laid down on her belly on the bed, "Come on, give me your best."

Mike sighed but did as he was told, and began massaging Phoebe, "Ok," he said, "I've never told you before, but I think I might actually be really good at this massaging thing."

"Oh Mike, please. I mean, okay I'm not trying to hurt your feelings but – ohhh, oh my god!" she suddenly felt as though she was flying; 'this massage is incredible' was all that was going through her head. "How -? Oh - Oh, Mike -? Ah," Phoebe was having trouble getting out her words as she felt relaxation take over. But she shook this off, "No, wait stop!" she turned over and Mike stopped. "Okay … wow! How come you never told me how good you are?"

Mike shrugged, "I don't know I figured you'd be mad because this is your thing and I don't want to give you … competition."

"My thing?" Phoebe thought for a moment about what mike had just said. He was right; massaging was her thing. It was in their relationship anyway. They could both play an instrument after all. But him, Mike, being a good masseuse? She was angry and couldn't help it, but she gritted her teeth, "I'm not angry. It's great, because, you know, now we can do everything together." Mike frowned but phoebe went on, "Yeah, it'll be a … blast."

"You really okay?"

"Yeah!" said Phoebe, over enthusiastically. "Now, we'd better sleep now because you gotta rest those delicate hands of yours." She turned over and closed her eyes, sensing Mike do the same, she pulled a face. Better masseuse! Mike! Huh!

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Rachel could not sleep, Ross was doing the one thing he'd never done before; he was snoring. It was impossible to sleep when someone was making that much noise. She pulled the dinosaur-decorated sheets over her and tried to ignore the loud snores, but it was just about impossible.

Sighing, she got out of bed and tiptoed outside across the hall and into the other bedroom. She could tell by the dim light that Joey was grumbling slightly in his sleep, but at least he wasn't snoring. Rachel grabbed hold of the covers of the double bed and was just about to crawl into bed next to him when she realised this could be awfully weird for the both of them. She bit her lip slightly then, deciding on something, she sneaked around to the other side of the bed. At the end of the bed though, she fell over. Cursing, she bent down and picked up the frying pan she tripped over. Rachel frowned slightly, wondering why the hell Joey would have a frying pan in his room. She gave a sigh and went forward to shake Joey's shoulder, trying to wake him.

"Joey?" she whispered urgently. Joey groaned and mumbled something inaudible, then, seeing a woman standing there with a large frying in her hand, he let out a loud squeal. "Shush" Rachel whispered, pressing her finger to her lips. "Joey shush, it's just me!"

"Rach!" hissed Joey, in panic. "What the hell are you trying to do? You scared the life outa me! Seriously, who wakes you up in the middle of the night with frying pan in their hand?"

"I'm sorry, Joey be quiet, I'm sorry," she muttered, trying to calm him down. Once Joey had relaxed a little Rachel gently ruffled his hair slightly and asked nervously, "Hey Joey, it wouldn't be weird if I slept in here tonight would it? "

Joey sighed and nodded in knowing way, "Rach, I can't deny it, it would be good. However it would also be wrong. You're my friend. And so is Ross. Whatever your problems I don't think sex with me is the answer."

Rachel smiled slightly and shook her head, "Actually I was just talking about sleeping next to you. It's just Ross has started snoring and I cannot sleep with someone making pig noises in my ear, believe me, its neither a lullaby nor dirty talk."

Joey stared at her for a moment, rather embarrassed, "Oh, that you can do."

Rachel smiled, "Okay, thanks. And, you don't think it'll be weird, do you?" Joey just shook his head so Rachel moved round and got into bed next to Joey. "You don't snore, do you?" she quickly asked before lying down.

"No," he replied. "I used to, but not anymore." They were silent as they both closed their eyes and tried to sleep, only moments later Joey's eyes popped back open and he whispered quickly, "Rach, you know I was only kiddin' about that sex."

Rachel smiled in the dim light, "Of course you were honey."

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Joey was just waking, but he couldn't be bothered to open his eyes, not yet, he thought. He rolled over and spread out his hand over on the other side of the bed where Rachel was sleeping, forgetting she was there. His hand placed on her breast and he frowned. Did I sleep with someone last night? he asked himself. He opened his eyes and it was only then that he saw Ross standing stony-faced in the doorway. Glancing to his right Joey saw Rachel lying there and his hand still on her breast, he took it away quickly. Just then, Rachel woke up.

She looked up at Ross and smiled "Morning honey."

"Don't you 'morning honey' me!" spat Ross. "What the hell are you doing in bed with my best friend?!"

Rachel was just about to say something when Joey got in first, " You see me as your best friend?" with a slight smile on his face, despite the situation he was in.

Ross shrugged, "Well, actually I think – Don't change the subject!" Ross went on, a little madly "Anyway, Your certainly not my best friend now, what the hell are you doing in bed with my girlfriend!"

Rachel looked quite alarmed now, "Honey, calm down."

"Oh, calm down? I'm, I'm sorry, you're uh, you're right, I should calm down. I'm being unreasonable, but yet I'm not the one in bed with Joey!" Ross yelled.

"And I hope you never are," Joey muttered, but quietly.

Rachel looked at Ross frantically trying to calm him, "Ross, listen to me, I just slept next to Joey last night because you were snoring and it was driving me crazy. See, I'm wearing pyjama's and Joey's wearing his boxers and that top, you see Ross." Rachel was now kneeling at the end of the bed, holding Ross' hand whilst Joey nodded vigorously.

Ross just stared at their clothes for a moment, "Then, why did Joey have his hand on your breast?"

Rachel gasped and turned to stare at Joey, "You had your hand on my what now?"

"I stretched out my hand and I, I had my eyes closed and I forgot it was you sleeping next to me, I thought it was a hot girl I had sex with," said Joey, embarrassed.

"Well I guess you were right there, huh. You did sleep with a hot woman, my girlfriend!" yelled Ross.

"Ross!" exclaimed Rachel, "Listen, I've told you what happened … and look I'm sorry I didn't wake you to tell you, I should have. But please, stop making stuff up, what I told you is the truth. If you love me you'll let this go."

Ross looked torn for a moment, but then he gave a nod, "Okay." Rachel smiled just as she heared Emma crying in the next room. Quickly, she stood up off the bed and rushed into her bedroom to Emma.

Joey grined at Ross, "So Ross, where we are we on the whole best friend front?"

Ross just sighed.

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Monica was deeply regreting letting the triplets into her house, they ran around like wild Cheetahs, destroying everything in their path. Monica entered the living room to see Chandler trying to pry a paintbrush from Lesley's hand, whilst getting himself covered in paint. Monica decided on an idea, she went over to the TV and wsitched it on, cartoon bounced about on the screen, "Lesley look, cartoons, huh?" Monica said. Lesley turned and grinned, dropping the paint brush, (Chandler was able tocatch before it fell to the carpet, to Monica's intense relief) she went over and sat milimetres in front of the TV. "Frank! Chandler! Cartoons are on!" Yelled Monica to the kitchen. Immidiately the padding of little feet could be heard as the other two young children ran into the sitting room and parked themselves next to Lesley.

"Oh, thank God." Chandler said, collapsing on the sofa. "Who knew kids could be so much work? Did you get the twins off?"

"Yeah, they're asleep but not before they managed to puke all over their sheets," she sighed.

Just then Phoebe entered, "Hey." She sat down next to Monica, "Uhhh. Guess what? ... Mike is a better masouse than me."

"What?" Monica frowned.

"Yeah, last night he gave me a massage; it was incrediable, it was relaxing and soft. Bastard!"

"Oh my God, how could he be so insensitive!" said Chandler, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

"You don't understand, this isn't fair! I'm the massouse! It's all I have!" Phoebe raged.

"What are you talking about? What about your music?" Monica insisted.

"No, he plays music too, so that isn't _my_ thing." Phoebe said sadly.

They were interuped by Ross at that point, who entered with Joey slightly behind. Joey seemed to be arguing his case about something, "For the thousanth time, I'm sorry Ross."

Ross didn't reply right away, he sat down in one of the armchairs and said hi to the other three, then he said, "I saw you Joe, I saw you wake up, and, and just lay there with your hand ... there! I mean Why! Why did you put there?"

"What? Eww! Ew, where did he put his hand?" asked Phoebe.

"He put his hand on my girlffriend's breast this morning," said Ross.

The other three all gasped in alam. "Look," started Joey. "I said I'm sorry, we were in bed I put out my arm and it just landed there. I thought she was a hot woman ... It was just a moment of stupidity."

Chandler frowned and smaled slightly, "So that's what you call them moments?"

"Ross, you gotta believe me, I'm sorry. Please, just let it go," Joey pleaded.

Ross stared at Joey for a moment, then he gave a short nod, "Okay, I, I guess I have to."

There was a silence in which the four adults sat with only the cartoons blaring on the TV as a backgroung noise. Chandler cleared his throat and picked up a newspaper from the coffee table, he opened it, only to find a large hole through the entire paper. "Well," he muttered. "There goes my afternoon."

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Ross walked back into his apartment that evening to find Rachel, having just put Emma to bed, reading a magazine on the couch. "Hey honey," she said, looking up when he came in. "You're - you're not still mad about this morning are you?"

"No, no, don't worry bout that," he went over and sat next to her. "Although, I was talking to Chandler and he said that you, you could roll me over. It didn't work with Joey 'cause he saw stuff he, well stuff he wasn't thrilled for. But, I'm, I'm sure that won't happen here ... and you know even if does, I don't think you'll mind, will you?"

"Oh no," said Rachel. She ran her hands through Ross' hair and gentley carresed his face. "In fact, I don't think I'd mind seeing _that_ right now."

"Oh, oh yeah, but uh, isnt Emma in our room?" said Ross, kissing her as he talked.

"Yes, but Joey's room is free." said Rachel, kissing him back.

"I, I don't know if that's such a good idea, I mean he..." Ross trailed off and Rachel took off her lips from Ross' face. "Or, or you know, whatever." They kissed some more, and Ross lead her to Joey's room.

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Mike sat up in bed, deep in thought. He would simply have to tell Phoebe that his massaging will stop. He knew she was angry, could sense it. Maybe he'd tell her he was terrible and before it had been begginers luck, and give a deliberately bad massage to prove it. he sighed and lay stared at the bathroom door, in which Phoebe had locked herself behind half an hour a go. What was taking her so long? Mike got out of bed and walked over, in just his boxers, to the bathroom door. "Phoebe, you okay in there?" There was no reply.

Mike was just about to get back into bed, believing she wanted privacy, when the bathroom door opened. Phoebe stood there, and Mike couldn't help thinking she looked different somehow. "Listen Pheebs," Mike began. "I gotta tell you, about this massage stuff, I won't -"

"I don't care about that," Phoebe interupted.

"What? What's going on?" Mike said, suddenly worried.

"I'm pregnant."

"What?"

"We're going to have a baby!" Phoebe half screamed, a huge grin clear on her face.

"Oh my God!" Mike exclaimed, he went forth and hugged Phoebe, who was having trouble keeping still, dizzy with glee.

**Ending Credits **

"Here," said Monica, handling Frank jr jr a cloth. "You see I told you this would be fun."

Monica was in the lounge, with three totally reformed triplets by her side. The three of them grinned up at Monica and began scrubbing the walls relentlassly.

"Wow," said Chandler, entering the room. "You really are a miricle worker."

"I know," Monica said. Chandler left the room and Monica watched him go before turning to the triplets and handing them 20 each, "Okay. Thankyou for not doing more damage."

Little Chandler grinned, "Pleasure."

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Please Read&Review

Thank You And Goodnight


	2. TOW Ross' huge commitment

**The One With Ross' Huge Commitment**

A/N: Please tell me what you think..

Reminder: Joey is still living at Ross and Rachel's, and Phoebe is pregnant.

Summary of ep2: Ross makes a huge decision about his relationship with Rachel and Chandler is left alone with the twins for the first time.

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Ross, Rachel, Joey, Chandler and Monica were all sat in their usual place at Central Perk, drinking coffee and talking when the sixth and final of the friends, Phoebe, ran in.

"Guys, guys," she yelled, sitting next to Joey on the couch. "Oh my God, I, I have the most incredible news!"

Chandler opened his mouth, intending to say something funny, but before he had even said a word Phoebe put him right back, "No!" she told Chandler loudly. "I will not have my news ruined by your jokes!" Chandler obediently kept his mouth shut, a little taken aback. "Alright," went on Phoebe. "I'm pregnant." The others all gave cries of "Oh my God" and "Congratulations" as Phoebe grinned at them all. "Thank you, I know. I found out last night at about midnight, and I wanted to tell you guys then but Mike thought it might be too late, so," she shrugged.

Joey gave Phoebe a one armed hug, "Congratulations Phoebes, I'm so happy for you."

Monica said, "So, do you have doctors appointment?"

Phoebe nodded, "Yeah, actually I got one for later today and I was kinda wondering if one of you would come with me... Mike has to work you see, which sucks but he convinced me we need the money... he's gooood at convincing me." she gave a cheeky smile.

"Sure I'll come with you," Monica said.

"Great! We'll make a day of it!"

This made Chandler turn suddenly to his wife, "What? You're gonna go and leave me?"

Joey frowned at Chandler, "Relax man, they're only going to the hospital. She's not leaving you for good."

"Yeah, that wont happen for a few years yet," put in Phoebe.

"No, it's not that," Chandler said. "I just, I haven't been alone with the twins yet."

"Oh, honey," Monica said, smiling and putting her head on Chandler's shoulder. "You don't need to worry, I trust you. You'll be fine."

"Really?" Chandler asked.

"Yeah, of course" Monica said, and then she stood up. "Right Phoebes, we better get going." On their way out Monica managed to whisper in Ross' ear, "You check in on him."

Ross nodded, "Got it."

**Starting Credits**

The friends were still in Central Perk about twenty minutes later, but eventually Rachel stood up and sighed, "I gotta get to work."

Ross stood up too, "Yeah, me too. I, uh, I got some papers to mark so... see you guys later"

They both began to walk towards the door when a person sat at a table by the window called over, "Hey, Rachel? That you?"

Rachel turned and looked at the handsome man in his late thirties with dark hair and wearing a brown shirt, she grinned at him, "Tom, hi."

"Hey it's nice to see you," the man said, smiling at Rachel.

Rachel smiled back and Ross gave and uncomfortable clearing of the throat to get Rachel's attention. Rachel said, "Uh, Ross this is Tom, he works over at Ralf Lauren with me. Tom, this is Ross."

Ross nodded at Tom, holding out his hand to shake, but before even saying 'hi' he said quickly and in a very firm voice, "I'm Rachel's boyfriend."

Tom frowned slightly as he shook Ross' hand, "That's … great… Well, Rachel it was nice seeing you I guess I'll see you in that meeting tomorrow."

"Yes, Okay. Bye," Rachel said. Tom left the coffee house and Rachel turned and stared at Ross for a moment, a slight frown in place.

"What?" Ross asked. Rachel shook her head and headed out of the coffee house, but when she had left and had begun looking up and down the road for a cab Ross grabbed hold of her arm, "Rach, What's up? Why did, uh, why did you look at me like, like that?"

"No, no I didn't look at you like anything." Rachel muttered, looking away from Ross.

"Yes, you did. What, what is it? Come on, what's up?"

"Well, I don't know. I guess it's just a bit of a déjà vu moment, that's all." Rachel said, looking up at Ross.

"What, what do you mean? All the times you've left Central Perk?"

"No, no actually it's you Ross. I mean you, what you were saying to Tom, you said you were my boyfriend, which is fine 'cause you are, but … it was just like … you were … it was…"

"Okay, Rach, you're not making any sense."

"I guess you just seemed jealous, and … and I guess it just reminded me of how you were with Mark," Rachel said in a rush.

"What, that's crazy. I, I'm not, not jealous… I'm just, I uh, I just, you know, like letting people know that I, I'm dating you," Ross said. Rachel sighed again and shook her head. Ross stared at her, "What?"

"Nothing, listen, I gotta go Ross," said Rachel. Ross leaned forward to give Rachel a kiss but Rachel was walking away to a nearby taxi before he got the chance.

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About two hours later and Phoebe and Monica were just leaving the doctors office. Monica smiled down at the little sonogram picture in Phoebe's hands, "I can't believe this is your baby."

"I know, it's amazing isn't it," Phoebe said gleefully. "Just think, in eight months time this little potato looking blob in my stomach will turn into a baby."

Monica nodded, "Yeah… exactly how it works." She stared at the picture in Phoebe's hand, "God, you're so lucky." She thought, staring subconsciously at the sonogram, of her own failed pregnancy but shook it off thinking of the twins.

"Hey, you want to go shopping for baby clothes?" Phoebe asked.

Monica frowned, "Now? At only one month pregnant?"

"Yeah," Phoebe replied as if it was obvious.

Monica shrugged, "Okay!"

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Chandler was doing his best, but apparently to the twins, that wasn't quite good enough. They screamed so hard Chandler thought they might be torturing themselves. He was sat on the floor, with them both laid out side by side in front of him on a blue and pink sheet. "Okay," he half yells to the twins over their screaming. "Please! Just stop crying! If you do I wont tell Monica about the spillage you did on the kitchen floor! Please!"

The twins took absolutely no notice what so ever and continued bawling harder than ever. Chandler sighed and then pulled an odd face, something between a puffer fish and a pig. "Oh, come on!" he cried when they cried even harder, "I'm your daddy! I'm funny!"

Just then there was a knock at the door and Ross walked in, "Hey." He was slightly put off though by the loud screaming. "Chandler, are you … hurting your babies?"

"No! No I'm not! They're crying! They're crying and they won't stop!" Chandler said loudly.

"Well okay," Ross went over, picked up Erica from where she lay and held her close. Almost immediately she stopped crying. He put her back down and picked up Jack up, doing exactly the same thing. Jack also stopped crying.

"Okay, wow… How, how did you do that?" Chandler asked, amazed.

"It's easy," Ross said, picking up both babies again and putting them in the travel cot in the corner. He went and sat down on the couch, "You just have to hold them right."

"God, I'm so bad at this," Chandler muttered, sitting next to Ross.

"You'll get better."

Chandler sighed and looked at Ross, "What's up man, you seem down?"

"I don't know, Rachel's kind of annoyed at me; she thinks I'm jealous just because I told some, some work guy friend of hers that I'm her boyfriend." Ross sighed, "I don't know what's wrong with her, I mean, she was on about all this stuff, like Mark, and how it feels like 'déjà vu'.

"Oh," Chandler said. "So, you had a fight, huh?"

"Yeah… I'm, uh, I'm thinking I need to let her know that I trust her totally…" Ross said, trailing off. "I just …I don't know… Maybe I should… That's it!"

"What?" asked Chandler, watching Ross curiously.

"I'll ask her to marry me."

Chandler was stunned, and then said, "Because you're just … used to asking that?"

"Seriously, if she knows I'm willing to make such a commitment she'll know I'm not jealous!" Ross said, excited.

"Ross, you've married three times. Now I can't speak for Rachel, but you're sure as hell the most committed guy I know," said Chandler.

"No, committed to her. This is sure to, uh, to work 'cause she'll know I trust her completely and, and that I want to spend the rest of my life with her," Ross stood up as he spoke and headed to the door. "This is it! I'll do it tonight!"

Chandler quickly got up and walked over to Ross, "Are you crazy? You can't do this, you and Rachel just had a fight. You can't ask someone to marry you after a fight! What if she says no!"

Ross nodded, "I guess you're right." Chandler relaxed, pleased he'd got through to Ross… but then, "…Or not." Ross muttered and headed towards the door. "Cause' you know what? I don't think I believe she'll say no, and unless she does I'm gonna marry her!" Ross opened the door and ran outside

"Ross no! I'm saying no for her! No! No! No!" Chandler yelled. Ross didn't look back though and Chandler sighed as he heard the babies scream from the cot in the corner. "No," he muttered under his breath.

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Joey was watching TV in Ross and Rachel's apartment when Rachel walked in, looking gloomy. He frowned at her slightly, "Hey … what's up Rach?"

"Oh, nothing," said Rachel. "I guess I just had a rough day. Ross and me had a little fight." She sighed, "But it's okay 'cause I'm home, Emma's at my mom's and I think I just wanna relax and get good and drunk. And maybe I'll talk to Ross later."

Joey nodded, "Fair enough."

He went back to his TV show and Rachel noticed he didn't exactly look like the happiest guy in the world. "Are you okay Joey? How was you day?"

Joey sighed and shrugged, "Went to an audition, but I didn't get the part. I don't know… having a dead agent sucks."

"Maybe you should get a new one… but until then, you wanna get good and drunk with me?" Rachel asked.

Joey nodded, "Sounds like a plan."

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Ross had decided that now was the perfect time; he'd buy the ring, take Rachel out to a dead romantic restaurant, and then simply propose. He decided to go to a top selling ring jeweller to buy Rachel the perfect ring. There were plenty of rings, all beautiful, all shimmering behind the glass barriers. A balding man in his late fifties stood behind the counter, staring at Ross.

"Hi," said Ross. "I'm here to buy a ring."

"Really?" said the man, sarcastically with a strong London British accent. "And there was me thinking you had come for car parts."

Ross stared at the man for a moment, but then he simply shrugged, " Look, I uh, I want to propose to my girlfriend this evening and I, well I don't have that much money but…"

"Not much money? Odd thing, coming looking for an engagement ring with not much money, good sir."

"Look, can you help me, or not?" Ross asked, annoyed. "I really love this woman."

"I can see that, you look like an idiot in love," the man looked at Ross for a moment, as if sizing him up, "Well no, actually you just look like an idiot." He smiled at the look of anger on Ross' face and led Ross towards some rings to his left; "These are most probably some in your price range. You look like a man, hmm, cheap and…" The man smiled even more at Ross' angry face "Cheerful."

"Are you – are you this mean to all of your customers?"

"Why? Want to feel special?" the man asked. He then said rather bluntly "Well, yes I'm simply a nasty person. Problem with that?"

Ross couldn't tell if he was being serious or not, "Look can I just…" he sighed, "can I, can I see that ring, there?" he pointed out the one he wanted.

"If you must," The jeweller got out the ring Ross had pointed out; a diamond sparkled on it, small but sweet.

"Yeah, that's perfect and just the right price," Ross said happily. Temporarily forgetting the rude jeweller, he stared at the ring for the longest time, imagined seeing Rachel's face as he proposed, hearing her scream of 'Yes!' as she took the ring from him. Their wedding; a beautiful white wedding, with Emma as an adorable little bridesmaid and all their close friends there. The picture Ross saw in his minds eye was perfect.

"You'll soon be done here then?" said the ring jeweller, bringing Ross back to reality.

"Yes... yes, I'll take it." Ross brought the ring, right then and there on his credit card.

"Goodbye," said the Jeweller. "Tell your friends about me."

"Yeah," Ross muttered as he left the shop. "But don't count on it."

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Meanwhile over and Ross and Rachel's apartment, Joey and Rachel were absolutely and totally drunk. Five or more bottles of strong wine were on the coffee table, Rachel was sat next on the coffee table next to them all, laughing fit to burst. Joey on the other hand was on the couch, pushing his feet forwards to the carpet and leaning back on the couch, making it move steadily back and forth. Rachel laughed more and more as he continued to rock the couch but not fall off. Then she leaned back on the coffee table, mistakenly thinking she was sat on a chair with a back to it and fell backwards off the table. Her head popped up from behind the table, with an odd expression on her face, "Where'd da back go?"

Joey was laughing over on the couch, "I dunno, you know I - I don't know... I don't th-think it had one." Joey sat back up on the sofa and leaned towards the alcohol on the table, he picked up a bottle and took a swag, he then frowned slightly and tipped it upside down, where a single small drop fell from the wine bottle, "Rach-el someone drank all our ... our acky-hol."

"Wha-?" Rachel stood up. "I'll go get some from the - the uh, the place in there," she slurred, pointing to the kitchen. Rachel got up from behind the table and staggered towards the kitchen, but not before leaning too far right, grabbing a nearby shelf for balance and bringing down photo's and dinosaur relics with it. Joey and Rachel stared at the mess for a moment, "Uh oh."

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Chandler was having problems of his own over at his and Monica's place. The twins were screaming the house down again and Chandler was having trouble coping with it. He had them both in his arms and was trying, without success, to win them over. "Okay, okay, how about I give you a huge allowance when you're older, and- and I keep raising it? ... No?" Chandler moaned as the twins continued to cry, "Uh, I ... I, I'll save you from Monica whenever she tries to ground you, and I mean whenever. Come on that's gotta be a good deal, right?" The twins didn't answer, but instead simply continued their crying, and as it grew louder and louder Chandler began to feel like he was loosing his mind.

He sighed and went and put Erica into the travel cot, where she continued to cry. He held Jack tight to his chest and tried to do what Ross had done to make them stop crying earlier. It didn't work. Jack simply continued to cry harder then ever, Chandler groaned, "C'mon ... c'mon ... please." Jack took no notice. "Oh my God," muttered Chandler. "I am officially the _worst_ father in the world." Chandler sighed and sat on the couch, "Please stop." He went over to turn on some music on the stereo and _'The way you look tonight'_ came on.

Immediately the babies were silent. Chandler looked quickly down at Jack, but he was quietly looking up at Chandler. "Oh my God," whispered Chandler. "Did - did I break you?" Jack said nothing, but continued to stare up at Chandler. Quickly, Chandler went over to Erica in the travel cot, but she was silent too. Chandler stared at the twins, and then looked at the stereo, where the music coming from, "Wow, you and your mom have the same taste." Chandler placed Jack in the cot next to Erica and backed away. He waited for the cry. It never came. Edging slightly nearer Chandler saw that both babies were slowly drifting off to sleep. He grinned, "Yes!" he hissed quietly, and backed over to the couch, doing a little jig on his way.

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Ross walked home, uplifted late that afternoon. He walked slowly through the corridors to his apartment, ring in his pocket and flowers in his hands.

Joey and Rachel were both still incredibly drunk, Rachel was trying, still in her drunken state, to clean up the mess on the floor from the shelf falling. Joey, on the other hand, was asleep (and snoring) on the sofa.

To be continued...

**Ending Credits**

Monica got in that evening, threw her keys on the nearby side table and called, "Hey honey, I'm home." There was no reply from the next room though. Monica frowned, maybe it had been a mistake letting Chandler look after the twins alone for the first time for a whole day. "Chandler?"

She saw Chandler on the sofa fast asleep, with Erica and Jack in each arm, all three looking adorable. Monica smiled and went over to sit with them all on the sofa, causing Chandler eyes to open as he woke up. He looked up at Monica, "Your home?"

Monica gave Chandler a grin, "Yeah, and you are so great, you see you did it."

"Yeah," said Chandler. "I did. And I saw them in the crib and couldn't resist taking them over here. They're so cute when they're asleep... and so loud when they're awake."

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A/N: So what do you think? Please read and review. What do you think will happen in the next episode - The One Without The Proposal

Thank You And Goodnight


	3. TO Without the proposal

**The One Without The Proposal**

Here it is. I would just like to apologize for this episode taking slightly longer to get up here than the others... I got a bit of writers block.

Summary of ep3: Ross' proposal is ruined, Chandler get a surprise when they try a romantic weekend away togather away from the twins for the 1st time and Joey has doubts about his love life.

"Previously on friends"

Ross walked home, uplifted late that afternoon. He walked slowly through the corridors to his apartment; ring in his pocket and flowers in his hands.

Joey and Rachel were both still incredibly drunk; Rachel was trying, still in her drunken state, to clean up the mess on the floor from the shelf falling. Joey, on the other hand, was asleep (and snoring) on the sofa.

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Ross walked into his apartment, "Hell-" he stopped though and stared at the state of the two people occupying the apartment; Joey asleep on the couch, Rachel hovering above the floor, looking like she would topple over at any moment as she picked up the mess from the shelf that fallen down, and bottle the bottle's that lay all over the place. "Oh."

"Ross!" yelled Rachel, "J-Joey, it's Rossy."

Joey's eyes squinted open, evidently he had not been in a very deep sleep. "Ross," he slurred. "Ross is here!"

Ross stared at them both for a minute, lost for words, "Rach, are you - are you drunk?"

Rachel shook her head violently, "No!" she said as she stood up, only to loose balance and fall back down again. "Well, maybe a lil' bit."

Ross shook his head, "I, I don't believe this? Joey can you-?" but he stopped, seeing Joey lean forward, looking at something behind Ross, his eyes unfocused, "Joey, are you drunk too?"

Joey didn't answer, but stared at the thing behind Ross, with an odd smile on his face and said in his flirty manner, "How you doin'?" Ross turned and saw Joey was looking at a photo behind him of him and Rachel. He shook his head and sighed.

**Opening Credits**

"Okay, okay Rach, come here," Ross said, pulling Rachel up from the floor and holding her steady. "I think, Rachel, I think, uh, you – you need to go to bed now, okay?"

"Oh, b-but Ross, I think we need a new apartment, because this – this one is w-wobbling," Rachel muttered, as she was lead into their bedroom.

"Okay, okay Rach come on," Ross guided Rachel into their bed, and tucked her in. "You're tired, okay? You uh, you just need to sleep now."

"Oh Ross, oh Ross," murmured Rachel sleepily. "I love you, but you know I'm not tired, and I'm, uh not d-drink either."

"Drunk," Ross corrected her.

"Huh?"

"Doesn't matter, look you- you just need to sleep, okay? I'll, I'm gonna be in the next room," Ross said.

"No, no wait." Rachel muttered, giving Ross a wry smile. "I gotta tell ya something, I – I love you."

Ross smiled back, "I love you too."

"Yeah, and I, I don't, ah, I don't want anything to change, I'm having fun with you and Emma, and you."

"You already said me," muttered Ross.

"Huh?"

"Doesn't matter," Ross shook his head.

"I, I'm having fun, and I don't want that to change… I want it to stay like this forever," Rachel muttered.

Ross' hand brushed the pocket that his ring was in, and he stared at Rachel for a moment, "You want nothing to change?"

Rachel shook her head and drifted off into sleep, leaving Ross' with something to think about.

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Monica and Chandler were both laid in bed reading; it was quiet and both their bedside lamps were on. Monica looked up from her book to stare at her husband for a moment. "You know what I've been thinking about?" she asked.

"Cleaning?" muttered chandler, not looking up from his book.

Monica smiled at Chandler, "What would make you think I'm thinking about cleaning?"

Chandler looked up at Monica from his book, "Oh, I just though you must think about cleaning a lot."

Monica shook her head, "Well no, actually I was thinking that lately, you and me, we don't get any alone time, you know, just us."

"Well, we're alone right now," said Chandler, he looked around the room, "Aren't we?"

"Yes, but I mean sexy alone time, you know, a romantic night. We've not really had that since the twins were born."

Chandler smiled at Monica and, putting down his book, he put his hands through her hair, "Well, we're alone right now… in a bed."

"How about a weekend?"

Chandler frowned, confused, "Huh?"

"How about a weekend away; just me and you in a romantic inn," Monica said.

"Okay, that sounds good, but aren't you forgetting a little something… called our twins?" Chandler said.

Monica nodded in thought, "Phoebe's pregnant…"

"Yes honey, but I was actually talking about what we're to do with our babies," Chandler said.

"No, I mean Phoebe and Mike could look after them, she's been saying for a while she'd like to look after them anyway," Monica told Chandler knowingly.

Chandler snorted, "Good luck to her." Monica gave him a look, and he quickly went on, "I mean, good – good job, she'll make – she'll make a great parent." Monica just shook her head, smiling to herself.

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In Ross and Rachel's apartment, Ross stood by the door just inside his bedroom, watching Rachel sleep. Rachel let out a quiet groan from the bed and looked up at Ross standing by the door. She groaned again.

"Morning," greeted Ross. Rachel simply groaned again, her head pounding. Ross nodded and walked towards her, "Yeah…"

"God," Rachel muttered, sitting up. "I uh, I got pretty dunk last night, huh?

"A little," nodded Ross.

Rachel groans yet again, "Oh, I don't remember anything, I didn't do anything stupid did I? Oh my God, did I sleep with Joey?"

"No, no I, I don't think so," Ross muttered.

"God, my head hurts so much. Hey, I'm sorry… coming back to a couple drunken idiots probably wasn't what you wanted," Rachel said, sighing.

"Relax, hey, it's fine. I mean, it's – it's not like I had anything planned, so…" Ross trailed off, thinking about what he did have planned.

"Okay, well, um I'm gonna lay down now before my head explodes."

Ross nodded and left Rachel to sleep. He went into the living area, where Joey was sat rubbing his head on the couch. "Hey," Joey said, seeing Ross.

"Hi," Ross muttered, nodding, he sat next to Joey and sighed.

Joey stared uncomfortably down at his feet for a moment and then looked up at Ross. Joey cleared his throat, "Listen Ross, I'm sorry about me and Rachel being drunk last night… that couldn't have been, uh, easy to deal with."

Ross shrugged, "Yeah, well…"

"You're mad at me, aren't ya?" muttered Joey.

"No, no it's not you," Ross said. "It's just, I was – I was kinda gonna propose to Rachel last night."

"Seriously?" Joey exclaimed. "Well, why didn't you? You could of done it!"

"When she was drunk? Yeah, I think I'd have liked my fiancé to know she's engaged the next day, thanks."

Joey just shrugged, "You didn't tell her you were married after you were supposed to get it annulled the first time you married her."

"Hey, that was different, it was way more complicated than you think!" Ross insisted, "Look, it – it doesn't even matter anymore; last night, she said she, uh, she doesn't even wanna get married."

"Really?" Joey asked, frowning.

"Well no…" Ross admitted. "But, but she did say she wanted everything to stay the same, and if, uh if, that's what she wants… Besides I don't know what I was thinking, asking her to marry me. I mean do I really wanna be _that_ guy, the guy who gets married four times?"

"Did you really wanna be the guy who gets married three times… and divorced?" Joey asked with a wry smile. Ross just gave him a look.

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Around three hours later Monica, Chandler and Phoebe sat on the orange couch in Central Perk drinking their coffee. The twins lay in their pram next to Monica, sleeping quietly as Monica told Phoebe how to take care of her babies, "Okay, and you can't put them to sleep without their blankets – Phoebe, Phoebe this is important – they need to have it when they go for a nap, or they won't sleep, Okay?"

Phoebe's head fell back against the couch back and she gave a deep sigh, "Mon, I know how to look after a couple of babies, I have given birth to three you know."

"Yes, but giving birth isn't taking care of them. Now maybe I should go over it all again, I mean do you remember what happens when they wake, can you remember exactly what to do?"

Phoebe stared, "Uh… yeah feed and burp."

"No Phoebe! You feed, you burp, and then you let them sleep," Monica exclaimed. "Now I have to go over it again."

Phoebe was saved right then by the entrance of Ross, and Rachel pushing a sleeping Emma in her buggy. "Hey guys," said Ross and Rachel.

"Hey!" said Chandler, turning around excited. So?"

Rachel frowned, "So…?"

But Monica had just noticed Rachel, "Hey! Chandler told me, congratulations!"

Rachel frowned yet again, "For what?"

Now Monica and Chandler were confused, they then noticed Ross who was stood slightly behind Rachel and shaking his hands about wildly whilst mouthing, "No."

Monica looked sheepish, "Um, congratulations for… uh, those pants you, uh, bought last week…"

Rachel looked oddly at Monica for moment, "Oh…kay." She turned to Ross, "I'm just going to the bathroom."

Rachel left and Ross sighed and sat down. Immediately Chandler flared him with a question, "What the hell happened? I thought you were gonna propose…"

"I was," Ross stated. "But I couldn't because when I got back Rachel and Joey were drunk."

"Wait a minute," Phoebe put in. "You were gonna propose?"

Ross nodded glumly, "I was."

Phoebe stared, "But… why? I mean haven't you guys been going out for only like three months?"

"Yeah," Monica said. "But they've known each other like forever, that must be why he proposed…" she turned to her brother, "Right Ross?"

"Um, well…" he glanced at Chandler who gave him a look that said it all; 'If you don't tell them, I will.' Ross sighed, "Well that, that wasn't the whole reason. Me and Rachel, we kinda had a fight and… well I though proposing might – "

"Wait a minute," interrupted Phoebe. "You were gonna propose because you and Rachel had a disagreement?"

"Yes."

"But instead you found Rachel drunk?"

"Yes"

"So… she got drunk to forget about that stupid fight, and you were gonna propose to forget about it?" asked Phoebe, full of confusion.

Ross stared at her for a moment, he'd never thought of it like that, "Well, no I – I mean it, uh, I – It isn't like that!"

Chandler gave a small smile, "Well, clearly Ross sees proposing as some kind of relaxing treatment, you know to forget his problems."

Ross shook his head, "Look, you guys it doesn't matter anyway, she said last night she uh, she doesn't want anything to change so, so I've got to respect that."

Just then, they were interrupted by the arrival of Joey, and Rachel coming from the bathroom. "Hey guys," Joey greeted them.

At the same time Monica and Chandler got up. "Right," said Monica. "We'd better get going. We're not gonna get much lovin' time here talking to you guys are we? See you on Sunday." Monica and Chandler said goodbye to the twins and, after being assured by Phoebe that she knew what to do in an emergency, they left for their romantic inn.

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On arrival, Monica and Chandler entered their room full of excitement. It didn't last long…

Chandler lay down on the bed and patted the place next to him, "Wanna get the romance going?"

Monica raised her eyebrows, "When we just got here… and have dinner in, like, ten minutes?"

Chandler nodded, "uh huh."

Monica smiled and was about climb next chandler when a sound from outside stopped her; the unmistakable laughter of chandler's ex, Janice.

Monica and chandler simply paused where they were for a few seconds, quite terrified to admit what they'd just heard. Monica finally broke the silence, "W- wha-? Was -?

Chandler nodded, "I know."

"Was that Janice?"

Her answer came from outside the door as Janice let out a loud cry of "Oh My God!"

Chandler lay in shock for a moment, he then turned to his wife and said softly, "She's out there… we're never leaving this room."

**Commercial break**

Monica and Chandler sat either side of one another on the bed; still greatly distraught about whose voice they've just heard.

"We can't stay in here," Monica muttered. "We have reservations at seven."

"Well we can't go out there, do you want to have this weekend filled with _that_ voice!"

"Well, well maybe it, it wasn't Janice. Maybe it's just, like, some other annoying woman with the same voice and laugh."

"Are you… trying… to make my worst nightmare come alive?" Chandler asked, terrified by the thought of two women like Janice.

"Look, we can't stay in here," said Monica. She went over and peeked a look outside the door. "See, I don't see her."

"Really?" Chandler came off the bed and went over to peep too, "Oh, me neither. I guess we should get to dinner then."

They grabbed the key and left for dinner, they only got into the hall however when a loud scream of "Oh My God!" made them pause in their tracks. Chandler turned around to see Janice grinning at him with her husband Sid stood behind her. "Well, oh my God! What are the chances?" Janice shrieked.

Chandler muttered in his wife's ear, "Did she see us or can we still get away?"

Monica tried a smile as Janice came up to them both although she found it difficult. "Janice!" she said through gritted teeth. "What are -? What are you doing here?"

"Well, what do you think? Sid and me are having a weekend away together. Hey, if you guys are staying too, we can spend the whole weekend together! Oh, this will be so much fun!"

"Oh, I don't know about that… I mean you two probably want to be alone," Chandler said.

"Nonsense!" Janice insisted. "You guys have reservations?"

"Well yes, but -"

"Great, come one then, lets get going!" Janice exclaimed. She began dragging Monica and Chandler along the hall, towards the restaurant in the building.

Before Monica and Chandler knew it they were both sat at a table with Janice and her husband, listening to her shrill voice, wishing they were anywhere else.

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Ross was sat in his apartment, marking students essays when Joey walked in, fresh from an audition. "Hey, how'd the audition go?" he asked.

"It blew. I don't have an agent anymore, so I had to arrange myself, but I got all the times mixed up and somehow I ended up at some commercial for dog food, and apparently" Joey sighed and sat down next to Ross, "So, you still not proposing to Rachel?"

Ross looked up from his papers and shook his head, "No Joey, my mind's made up. She doesn't want to get married yet… it was stupid to think she'd want to, we've only been dating a few months."

"Yeah, but you've known each other, like, forever." Joey insisted. "And you don't even know for sure –"

"Joey, my mind's made up!" Ross said loudly. "Tomorrow I'm gonna go to the jewelers and give that bastard his ring back."

Joey shrugged, "Alright... If you're sure." Joey sat back and sighed, "Your so lucky, you know, to have each other."

"I know," Ross looked up at Joey and smiled, "Hey, don't worry, you'll get it too one day."

"What?" Joey frowned. "What're you mean I'll get it too one day?"

"Oh, nothing," Ross muttered. "I'm just saying, uh, that you, you'll get a, uh, a serious relationship one day that'll mean something."

"Hey! My relationships with women mean something!"

"They do?"

"Yeah, they, uh..." Joey racked his brains for a moment, "Ooh! They mean sex with a new woman each week!" Joey looked down at the floor and said quietly, "Man, I, I'm never gonna have what you have."

"Oh, come on that's not true.You'll get it," Ross said.

Joey nodded, but he couldn't shake the horrific feeling inside him that he would never get what all his friends now had...

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Monica and Chandler sat opposite Janice and Sid and tried hard not to listen as Janice rambled on about something or other. It was difficult though, because even though they weren't really listening they could still hear her.

Sid began to get up, "I'll get us more drinks, want anything sweetums?"

"Yes honey bunny!" Janice said, letting out an annoying laugh. "I'll have a scotch."

"You guys?" Sid asked Monica and Chandler smiling.

Monica and Chandler shook their heads so Sid left for the bar. Janice went on with what she was saying before, "So, basically, once me and Sid have stopped trying again, then I think we should all go on a cruise together; you guys, Sid and me. But you know me and Sid have to wait until I'm pregnant, because I can't have sex on boats... you know that Chandler." She let out a long laugh. Monica and Chandler gritted their teeth, smiled and nodded along politely. "Would you two excuse me for a moment," Janice said."Bathroom."

Chandler waited until he was sure Janice was out of ear shot until he turned to his wife, "We are leaving!"

Monica stared, "What?"

"We are leaving right now! We have to put ourselves as far away from that _woman_ as humanly possible!"

"But we paid so much to be here," Monica argued.

"Do you want to go on a cruise and listen to her talking about her sex life some more?!"

"Okay, let's go," Monica nodded. They stood up and pretty much ran from the table, almost making it to the door until Sid bumped into them as he made his way back with the drinks.

"Where you guys going?" he asked.

"Um, uh," Chandler stuttered, and struggled to find an excuse."We have to uh, to... Monica?" he turned to his wife.

"Uh, an emergency!"

Sid frowned, "Sorry?"

"Yes!" Chandler nodded. "We have a big emergency at home... our dog... uh, ate our cat!"

"Your dog ate your cat?"

"Yes, uh huh, now we have to go now, bye bye. Our dog needs to go to the vet."

They ran out the door and headed for the street. Monica turned to Chandler, "Our dog _ate_ our cat?"

"Hey, It could happen! Dogs are vicious!"

**Ending credits**

Monica and Chandler entered Phoebe's apartment to pick up the twins a few hours later, to find Mike with both babies on the sofa. "Hi babies," Monica cooed , going to take them off Mike. "Were they any trouble?"

"No, fine."

"Good,where's Phoebe?" Monica asked.

"Oh, she's taking a nap. They kinda wore her out."

"I thought you said they were no trouble."

"Oh no, they weren'tforme. But for Phoebe... well there was a lot of disagreement... and not just from the twins."

Just then Phoebe entered from the bedroom, "Hey, you're early."

"Yeah," Chandler muttered. "Well lets just say there was a cruise on offer that we would _not_ be able to stick."

"Phoebe, Mike said you had trouble with the twins?" Monica asked.

"Yeah," Phoebe smiled. "Well lets just say you can keep your terror twins next time you wanna have sex in a hotel."

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A/N Hope you liked the third episode of the 11th season of friends! There's still 20 more to go though. Please Review.

Thank You And Goodnight


	4. TOW the terrible names

**The One With The Terrible Baby Names**

A/N: Here it is… By the way, I may find it difficult to find the time to work on the coming episodes as I have important exams coming up, but I'll do my best. By the way if there are tonnes of spelling mistakes in this episode, could you let me know? Onlt the damn spellchecker isn't working, thanks.

Summary of ep4: Ross, Rachel and Joey get a surprise visitor, whilst Mike and Phoebe do their best to come up with ideas for some baby names.

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Ross bounced Emma on his lap whilst he watched TV. Rachel was sat next to him on the sofa and, as Joey was out, it was just the three of them. Rachel stared at her magazine without really seeing it. She looked up after a while and turned to Ross, "Hey, Ross, I've uh, I've been wondering, do you ever think about, uh, about other kids?"

Ross frowned, "Other kids? You mean like, like kids that, that aren't uh, aren't Emma or Ben?"

"Yeah, you know kids, kids we could maybe have in the future," Rachel said, as innocently as possible.

Ross let out a strangled laugh, "Kids, uh you, uh, want kids?"

Rachel frowned slightly, "Well, yeah one day. Don't you?"

Ross stared at Rachel for a moment; in truth he was confused, he didn't think she wanted to get married (at least not yet) and yet here she was talking about kids. "Uh, Rach, I don't know if we're in the right place for kids, I mean, it - it's already a bit crowded with Joey living here too."

Rachel nodded, "Yeah I know, but you know I wasn't talking about right now, I mean in the future, you know when we're married and stuff."

"Oh, You want more kids and a, uh, a marriage?" Ross said, amazed.

Rachel shrugged, "Sure… one day."

Ross nodded, "One day." Rachel went into the bedroom, leaving Ross with something to think about, he stared at Emma who grinned at him.

Just then Joey appeared home, "Hey man."

"Hey," muttered Ross. "Good night?"

"I'll say, scored with this girl, she had the hugest breasts," Joey said.

"Yeah, she nice? You thinking 'bout getting it serious like I told you?" asked Ross.

"Oh," Joey shrugged, and thought about. "She is nice I guess, and the breasts would sure help out a _lot_ ."

Ross smiled, "Uh, help out for what exactly?"

"You know, having kids." Joey said, rather as if it was obvious. Ross looked confused. "Big boobs mean more milk."

Ross nodded, "Right."

**Opening Credits**

Mike and Phoebe were sat down on the couch in their apartment, mike was bent down over Phoebe and was what looked to be talked to her stomach, "So, when you come out I will…" He looked up at phoebe, sighed and asked, "Do I really have to do this?"

"Yes," Phoebe insisted. "She needs to know your voice."

"You're not talking to it, and what makes you think it's a girl?"

"Eglantine knows my voice because I talk to her all the time, and I just know she is a girl because why would you call a boy Eglantine?" Phoebe said.

"Eglantine?"

"That's her name."

"Uh, since when?" Mike said, laughing.

"Since I decided I liked the name," Phoebe said, bemused.

Mike shook his head, "We cannot name our child Eglantine."

"Why not?"

"Because all that would cause is a lifetime of being picked on by the class bully."

"What? Don't be crazy, Eglantine is a nice name!"

"No way!" Mike sighed, "Alright, tell you what how bout you and me each come up with six names - three boys and three girls - and we look at each others list tonight to see if we agree on any."

"Fine," Phoebe said. "But you know I don't think you need to make yours because I have excellent names right here in my head. You know, like Akasha, and Marcello… ooh and Quintina! Oh, we've got to name our kid Quintina!"

Mike raised his eyebrows and nodded, "Yeah, I'm gonna make a list... just in case those don't work out."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

It was the following day and Chandler and Joey were both sat at the coffee house, although Chandler couldn't help noticing at they talked that Joey was looking a little down. "Hey man, you okay?"

"Yeah, it's just… it's just something Ross was talking about the other day," Joey muttered, staring at the cup of coffee in his hand.

"Oh yeah, he bin bugging you about fossils again, huh?" Chandler said. "I'm tellin' you that's just what you get for living with Ross."

"No, no it's not that. It's – Well I'm, I'm never gonna have what you have."

"You mean my incredible good looks and a stunning charm to boot," said Chandler with a smile.

"Yeah right!" Joey said through waves of laughter. "No, actually I mean what you and Monica have, and Ross and Rachel, and Phoebe and Mike. I'm never gonna have that with someone."

Chandler frowned, "Ross said that?"

"Well no, he said 'I'll get it one day'."

Chandler nodded, "He's right. I'm sure you will."

"Yeah," Joey said incredulously. "With who? Who could I get that with?"

Chandler shrugged, "Uh, what, what about that woman with the big boobs you went out with last night."

"Yeah, I don't know if big boobs are the way to go, you know. I mean, maybe I need someone who's intelligent and sophisticated in a way other than really big breasts... you know?"

"Really?" asked Chandler amazed.

Joey stared down in thought for a moment, then quickly shook his head, "Nah, big boobs is definitely the way to go."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Monica was just sitting down to watch some TV, as Chandler had taken the twins to the park, when Phoebe arrived. "Hey," she said sitting down next to Monica. "You mind if I hang out here for a while? I need to write out this list of possible baby names."

"Sure. You want me to help you?" asked Monica.

"Oh, that'd be fun," nodded phoebe. "But no."

"No? Why not?"

"Well, no offence, but I think your baby names would just be a bit too, well you know, plain."

"Plain? What are you talking about? My names would not be too plain! My names would be the opposite of plain! I mean come one, Erica and Jack aren't plain names."

"Well maybe, but they're not, you know, extraordinary names. You know like Maximo, or - or Zayden!"

"Fine," Monica muttered. "Well, what've you got so far?"

"Oh okay," Phoebe looked down at her notebook and began reading the names off. "Okay, for a boy there's: Toynal, Jokona and Stackanana."

"What? Are, um are they even real names, I mean did you read them in a book or…?"

"No, I made them up."

"You made them up?" Monica said, exasperated.

"Well yeah, I figure names that come from the mother are much more personal, you know," Phoebe said, knowingly.

"But, but you can't do that, it's, it's just so…"

"So what? What's so bad about Stackanana Hanigan?"

"Look, the names are just a bit, well, they're _really, really_ out there."

"Oh please, none of those names are that bad at all. And none of my names for a girl are bad either; I mean come on, little girl Horn-cocky Hanigan. Is that cute or what!"

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

It was later that afternoon and Ross and Rachel were at their apartment. Ross was marking some university papers and Rachel was sitting on the sofa reading a magazine. Ross dropped down the papers for a moment and looked at Rachel, "Honey?"

"Yeah?" she muttered, not looking up from her magazine.

"Um well," began Ross. "I was thinking about what we were talking about yesterday, about kids, and I –" he was interrupted however by Emma crying from the next room.

"Hold on honey," Rachel muttered and rushed into the bedroom to Emma.

Ross sighed, and was about to go in the bedroom to carry on the conversation with Rachel when he was again interrupted, this time by the door.

Ross sighed again, wondering whom it could be, and went over to open it. He was surprised to find Rachel's sister Jill standing there. "Jill? Oh my god, uh hi," he said amazed.

Jill stared at him with a slight frown on her face, "Um, I'm sorry to bother you, does a Rachel Green live here, do you know? Or have I got the wrong building?"

"No, no. Rachel lives here."

"Oh thank god," she muttered, going inside, throwing her coat on Ross and collapsing onto the couch. "I went to that place she used to live and there was no one there, so then I was looking everywhere and I was, all like, asking all these people – god some people are rude – and I finally someone told me this is where she lives!"

Ross nodded, "Yeah, well it's, uh, great to see you again anyway."

"Again?"

"Yeah, you know, as in… once more…"

"We've met before? When? I didn't think Rachel had a butler before."

Ross stared in amazement at Jill, "I'm Rachel's boyfriend."

Jill frowned and looked about to say something but their conversation was cut short by Rachel arriving from the bedroom, with Emma on her hip, "Jill!" she exclaimed, seeing her sister. "Wow, what - what are you doing here?"

"I'm here to see you of course!" Jill said, giving Rachel a hug. "Hey, you didn't tell me you were dating your butler."

"What? No, no, Ross isn't my butler, he's just my boyfriend," Rachel said, laughing.

Ross nodded, but Jill turned and frowned at him, "You're not a butler?"

"No," said Ross.

"Then what's with all this?" she indicated his clothes, waving her hands around his shirt.

"What's wrong with my clothes?"

"Oh… nothing, they're… nice," muttered Jill. "So is this you're little boy?" she indicated Emma.

"Um, girl," said Rachel, put out.

"Are you sure because Amy said it was a boy."

"Yeah, well as much of an expert that _Amy_ is, we're pretty sure she's a girl," said Ross.

Jill turned to Rachel, "How does the butler know so much about your baby?"

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ross, Rachel and Jill entered Central Perk around twenty minutes later, to find Chandler sitting alone with the twins close by in their pram. "Hey," greeted Ross.

"Hey," Chandler nodded.

"You remember my little sister Jill," said Rachel, with her hand on Jill's shoulder.

"Sure, hi," Chandler said and Ross, Rachel and Jill took a seat next to him.

Just then, Joey walked in from the bathroom and went over to get himself a coffee from Gunther behind the counter. Jill gasped, "Oh my God! Rachel, don't look now but Dr Drake Ramoray just used the bathroom here!"

Rachel laughed, "Oh yeah, that's just Joey, he's a friend of ours."

"What? Since when?" Jill demanded.

"Since forever. He's been our friend for years now."

"You mean you are friends with Drake Ramoray and you never even told me! Rachel, how can you be so selfish?" Jill said, shocked.

Joey walked over with his coffee over to the others on the orange sofa. Rachel grinned at him, "Uh, hey Joey. You know my sister, right?"

"Sure," Joey said with a smile, then he leant over to Rachel and whispered, "She the nice one?" Rchel nodded. Joey grinned, "Jill, right?"

Jill giggled and whispered in Rachel's ear, "He knows my name." Then she said to Joey, "Yes, I am. I gotta say, I am a huge fan of yours, and… wow. You're even hotter in person... what a cutie."

"Oh yeah?" Joey grins at Jill, then he catches Rachel's eye and immediately changed his tune. "Uh, thanks but you know I should probably be going." He left, giving Ross and Rachel an apologetic look on the way out.

"Ah! Rachel that was totally your fault! I could have got myself a date with Drake Ramoray and you totally scared him off!"

"What? Jill, you cannot go out with Joey!"

"Why not?"

"Because!" Rachel exclaimed. "Because, don't you remember when you went out with Ross, how upset I got then?"

"I went out with who?"

"Me!" Ross said angry.

"What? No, Rach, I've never gone out with your butler."

Ross felt his face grow hot, "I'm not her butler!"

Rachel sighed, "Look, the point is you went out with Ross and it got weird, you know, 'cause he was my ex, okay?"

"So? Drake isn't an ex of yours, is he?" said Jill, and she also sighed.

"No… well, technically yes, but – No! No Jill! Look, Joey is my friend, he's off limits - like, like Ross and Chandler!"

Jill looked confused, "Who's Ross?"

Ross gritted his teeth, exasperated, "Me!"

"I don't get it, so, why can't I date the famous actor?" asked Jill.

"You… you do know he got fired from Days of our lives, right?" put in Chandler.

"Yeah, so? He's still hot and famous, right?"

"Jill!" Rachel said loudly. "No! Okay, no! You cannot go out with Joey because he will just have sex with you and not call you back!"

"Oh please! How do you know, have you ever slept with him?"

"No, but I just know! He will sleep with you and then you'll never see him again."

Jill mouth opened slightly and she nodded slowly, then shook her head "So? Who cares?"

"I care!"

"Really? Why?" asked Jill.

Rachel shook her head in wonder, "…I don't know... Look, just stay away from Joey!"

"Fine!" Jill sighed. "God, I cant believe you won't let me even sleep with Dr Drake, I mean he may not call me back but he's better than that butler you're dating."

"I'm not her butler!" yelled Ross.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Later that day at Central Perk, when Ross, Rachel and Jill were gone, Chandler and Monica were sat drinking coffee on their usual couch when Mike walked in. "Hey guys," he muttered. "I was wondering if you wanna go over some baby names I made up with me, to see if they're the kind of thing Phoebe might like?"

Monica and Chandler nodded, "Sure."

"Okay, great," he got out the list from his pocket and sat down next to them both. "Alright, the names for a girl are Honey, Hope and Jade."

Monica smiled, "Aw, those names are nice?"

"Really, you think Phoebe will like them?"

"Phoebe? Oh no," Monica muttered.

"Better chance of her wanting to eat the baby," said Chandler.

"What?" Mike frowned. "They're bad names?"

"Oh no, they're nice. It's just, well, Phoebe prefers name's a little more out there, you know?" Chandler told him.

"Yeah, I mean okay, I guess the names she likes are a little different to mine but, come on, she won't mind giving mine a chance," Mike said, shrugging. Monica and Chandler simply stared and Mike nodded with a sigh. "Okay, okay, you're right. She'll hate them, so what am I gonna do?"

"Well," Chandler said. "You could just start a new list, you know with a lot of 'out there' names, like Spoon-angel or Plate-star."

"Where did you come up with those names?" asked Monica.

"Oh I just saw a spoon and a plate over on that table…" he shrugged.

"Okay," Mike nodded. "I can come up with weird names that I'd like. What about… Joshua?"

"Joshua's a pretty normal name Mike," stated Chandler.

Mike nodded, "How about Hannah?"

Monica sighed, "This is gonna take a while."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ross and Rachel had decided to go out for dinner that evening, which was fine for Jill, it meant she could go back to their apartment and relax. What she wasn't expecting though was Joey to be there, "Oh, hi. I didn't know you lived here too."

"Oh yeah," said Joey, standing up off the couch. "Don't worry though, I'm no trouble, really. In fact if you want to watch TV in here or something I can go in my room."

"Oh no, no, no. Don't do that," Jill smiled to her self and went over to sit on the couch. She motioned Joey to sit down too, so he did so. "So uh, Drake –"

"Joey," Joey corrected her.

"Right, right, Joey. Um, Joey, I uh, I gotta say I am a really, really big fan of yours. I mean I cried when they killed off," said Jill, she touched Joeys shoulder and began rubbing from side to side. "It must have been terrible for you."

Joey shrugged, "Ah." He was very uncomfortable, he knew he couldn't have Jill but it was getting increasingly difficult not to flirt back just a little.

"You know," Jill said with a smile. "My sister Rachel has the weird idea that if anything, you know, _physical_ were to happen between me and you, she thinks you wouldn't call me back."

"Well Jill, I'm not gonna lie to you, that has been the case a lot in the past," said Joey nervously. "And I really don't want it to happen to you so…"

"Then don't let it…" Jill brought her face closer up to Joey's and touched his cheek with her hand. "Aren't ya… a little curious?" She placed her forehead onto his and Joey knew if there lips touched one another, he wouldn't be able to stop it. Yet somehow, he couldn't bring himself to stop her as her lips caught his. He didn't stop it, and half of him didn't want to…

**Ending Credits**

"Hey Phoebes," greeted Mike on entering their apartment. "I got my list of baby names."

"Yeah great! Me too," Phoebe gushed as mike sat on the sofa next to her. "Okay, I'll go first. For a girl I have Sandy, Hope and Hannah. What do you have for a girl?"

"What? But…" Mike trailed off.

"What's wrong?"

"Those names, they're just so… normal. What happened to your 'out there' names?"

"'Out there' names?"

"Eglantine?"

"Oh yeah, no I don't like those kind of names anymore."

"What? Why?" asked Mike.

"No offence Mike, but those names are really weird," Phoebe said, shrugging.

Mike looked down at the weird names he'd spent all day making the strangest and most unusual as possible and sighed. He looked up at Phoebe, "Do you think we could maybe do this another time?"

Phoebe looked down at Mike's list and smirked, "Unless you wanna name our kid 'The Juicer' I'm gonna say yeah."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

A/N: Hope you liked it. And I know the bit before the ending credits is a little un-friends like but I wanted to add some feeling in there.

Thank You And Goodnight


	5. TOW all the swimming

The one with all the swimming

**The One With All The Swimming**

AN: Here it finally is. Sorry I haven't updated in ages, I got sidetracked with another friends fanfic, well several actually. It also seems to be a little shorter than others I've written.

Summary: The gang all decide to go swimming. Where Phoebe and Mike find themselves looking after all the kids. Chandler is surprised when Monica tells him a secret. Joey and Jill have trouble hiding their relationship.

………………………………………………………………

It was late morning but Joey's bedroom was quiet as if it were three in the morning. Joey turned over, but it wasn't until he sensed someone beside him he really began to wake up. The sight of Rachel's sister made his eyes pop open. What had he done? Horror filled his eyes, how was he going to get out of this?

Beside him, Jill gave a small groan and lifted her head, smiling at Joey who was sitting up next to her, "Hey you."

"Uh, morning Jill," Joey muttered. Wow, he thought, it felt so odd to actually know the name of the person you slept with. If only he knew it in different circumstances.

"So, last night was pretty amazing, huh?" Jill said in her flirtatious tone.

"Uh, yeah. Jill listen, about that, I was thinking maybe we don't tell Rachel?"

"Oh, don't worry Rachel is _not_ going to find out about this," Jill assured Joey.

Joey nodded, "Good."

"Great, so when do you wanna do this again?"

"What? Again! No, no, no. Jill, you're uh, you're a nice person but ah, I can't get involved with a friend's sister," Joey said. "It, it just wouldn't be right."

"Oh come on Joey," cooed Jill, leaning closer to him. She gently caressed his cheek with her hands. "Rachel isn't in control of our lives, we can date if we want."

"I don't know…" Joey mumbled. "I -" Jill kissed on the lips but he pulled away. "Really-" she kissed him again, and again he pulled away, "cant-" and again, "do this." This time she kissed full on and passionately, bringing her hand through his hair. He didn't pull away.

"See," whispered Jill.

"Don't talk," Joey said softly, and he took her under the covers.

**Starting credits**

When Chandler entered the coffee house later with the twins in the pram he was pushing that day all of the friends, except Joey, were there and greeted him with a grin. "Hi honey," said Monica, giving him a kiss on the cheek.

"Hey hon. Hey, listen I had this great idea. How about, this weekend we take the twins swimming," Chandler said, enthusiastically.

"Swimming? Why would you want to take them swimming," Monica laughed nervously.

"Well, you know, to… learn to swim…"

"Chandler, they're five months old, I don't think they'll be doing the breast stroke yet."

"Well, I know that but there's this little club you can go to, to get your kids used to the water," Chandler informed Monica.

"Why would they need to get used to water? There's a bathtub right at home!" Monica said defensively.

"Oh, come on Mon, go swimming," Phoebe muttered, then an idea hit her, "Ooh, we should all go!"

"All go?" repeated Ross.

"Yeah, it'll be so much fun! I've always wanted to go swimming, I never went as a kid," Phoebe said.

"Phoebes, you never went swimming?" Ross asked, shocked.

"Well, my mom was too preoccupied killing herself to teach us to swim," Phoebe said.

Oh," said Monica. "So, you don't know how to swim?"

"Oh yeah, I do! I would teach myself in the bath," Phoebe assured them all. She demonstrated by thrashing her arms around in front of her, "You know I would copy those swimmers off the TV and practice in the bath. You know I actually think I became better than those on TV."

The others smiled, and right then Joey walked into Central Perk, "Hey Joey," the others greeted as he sat down.

"Hey," he muttered.

"So Joey, we're all going swimming this weekend, you coming too?" asked Phoebe.

"Uh," Joey shrugged, "Sure, why not."

"Wait a minute," said Monica. "I'm still not sure about the twins going, maybe they should stay and I'll stay home with them." The others all hailed out cries of protest so finally she gave into the peer pressure, "Fine."

"Maybe Jill could come too," Rachel said. "Hey, Joey do you know if she's at the apartment or is she out shopping?"

"I don't know; she's your sister!" Joey said defensively. "How should I know where she is?"

"Okay, okay," Rachel said, taken aback. "I was only wondering if you'd seen her."

"I'm not seeing her!"

"No Joey, if you'd _seen_ her, not if you're _seeing_ her," Ross said with a frown.

"Oh, uh, no I haven't," Joey lied.

"Oh well okay, I'll ask her later," Rachel said dismissively. "Joey… you okay?"

"I'm fine! God, what's with the third degree around here?" Joey insisted, he got up and went to ask for a coffee from Gunther.

"What's with him?" muttered Ross when he'd gone.

"Maybe he doesn't like Jill," Rachel muttered with a frown.

"What? Joey not like a sexy girl hanging around his place? Impossible," Chandler said.

"Sexy girl!?" cried Monica.

"That's my sister!" Rachel yelled.

"His place!?" Ross said angrily.

Chandler stared around at the angry people in shock, "Oh dear God… Uh, Joey, what was that? You want a coffee joke? I'll be right there." Chandler disappeared to the counter before the others could cry out a protest.

…………………………………..

"You didn't have to offer to take care of all three of them," Mike muttered holding an exited Emma in the shallow part of the little pool. Phoebe had kindly offered to Ross, Rachel, Chandler and Monica that her and Mike would look after their kids there at the swimming baths.

"We have to learn Mike, anyway they didn't have to hand them over to us," Phoebe said hold Jack as Erica floated close by in a special baby rubber ring.

"Yeah," said Mike. "Well, I don't think you gave them much of a choice when you started yelling and demanding that we look after them."

"Mike, Mike, Mike," sighed Phoebe. "You don't understand my friends at all, they like me to look after their children. Anyway, do you have any idea how unprepared we are? Do realise that in seven and a half months time we will have another human being to take care of? Do you know how hard it'll be? Do you Mike!? Do you!?"

"Okay, Phoebes I know it'll be hard, but… it wont be that hard."

"Oh yeah! How many babies have you pushed out a vagina, fed, bathed and looked after day and night?" Phoebe demanded.

"Well, not many I guess," Mike said.

"Mike, do you know how hard this is gonna be? I know, I've seen how my brother has to cope with the triplets," Phoebe said, stroking Jack's head with her wet hands as he let out a small smile.

"I know it'll be hard, but we're not having triplets. I think we'll be fine, we're managing this okay."

Phoebe nodded, "Yeah, I guess you're right. Plus, you know, it'll also be fun, having a little mini version of us. Ooh, we could teach it tap dancing! That'd be so cute!"

Mike simply smiled.

…………………………………………….

Joey and Jill were making out in the women's bathroom. Jill was pushing her body up against Joey's, pushing him into the wall, but somehow Joey found the breath to say, "We really shouldn't be doing this."

"Oh, come on," Jill muttered. "I thought you said you'd made out in the girls room before."

"No," said Joey, pulling away from her kisses and standing back. "I mean you're… you're my friend's sister. It's wrong."

Jill nodded. "That's right," she said. "It's wrong. It's… naughty. Right tiger." She went to kiss him again.

Quickly he pulled away again, "No! I mean I shouldn't have done this – I should _be_ doing this – Rachel'd kill me."

"Hey, you can stop _any_ time you want," Jill said. "But you know you just don't wanna."

"If Rachel ever found out she'd kill me," Joey repeated.

"I know," grinned Jill. "Exciting, huh?"

Joey said nothing, but stared at Jill in incredibility instead.

……………………………………

"I can't believe Phoebe took the twins off us!" Chandler said, annoyed, as he and Monica walked along with the big pool beside them. "Oh well, you wanna get in then?" he asked, dropping to a sitting position with his legs dangled in the water.

"Oh, you know what. I think that, uh, pool over there looks way more fun. Let's go in that pool!" Monica said, pointing.

"Uh, honey, that's a Jacuzzi," said Chandler.

"Exactly, you know I think I need time to relax. Come on," Monica said, walking towards the Jacuzzi a bit further along.

"Um, Mon, are you okay?" asked Chandler.

"Of course! Why wouldn't I be?" Monica said, a bit too enthusiastically.

"Mon…"

"Okay! Okay! Fine!" Monica said in aggravation. "I can't swim, okay? I can't swim!"

"You… you can't swim?" said Chandler, amazed. "Is that it? Oh, Monica that's okay. I mean lots of people cant swim."

"So?" said Monica sighing. "I'm not supposed to be people!"

Chandler frowned, "Well no, of course not. You're not people, you're… well you're not a fish either."

"Chandler!"

"Come on, I'm kidding. I don't think it matters that you can't swim. But you know if it bothers you, I could teach you to swim."

Monica stared at him, "You?"

"Hey, I'm not a bad swimmer!" Chandler cried.

Monica raised her eyebrows, "Are you a good swimmer."

Chandler shrugged, "Fine, have fun out on the side lines being one of the _people_ , I'm gonna go for a little swim."

"Chandler, wait. Okay fine," Monica muttered reluctantly. "Teach me then."

"Alright then, why don't you get in the water… God it feels weird telling you what to do for once."

Monica ignored that last comment and gently lifted her self into the water. "Okay," she said. "Now what?"

"Now… can you swim at all?" Chandler asked, lowering himself into the water too.

"Oh, sure…" Monica said. She let go of the side and began doing a weird kind of thrashing at the water.

"Has, uh, the water done something bad to you?" asked Chandler with a frown.

Monica grabbed the side again and gave him a look.

………………………………….

"I'm just going to the bathroom," Phoebe told Mike, handing Jack and Erica to him.

"What, you're just going to leave these children with me?"

"Yep," Phoebe said. She grinned at Mike, got up out the little pool, and went into the girl's bathroom where a surprise greeted her…

Joey saw Phoebe straight away and shoved Jill from his lips and into the nearest cubicle, she fell to floor and screamed. He hadn't been quick enough though and Phoebe had seen everything, "Joey!" she cried. "What the hell are you doing?"

"I, uh…" Joey couldn't find the words, but right then Jill popped her head from behind the cubicle door.

"Joey… why the hell…" began Jill, but then she saw Phoebe. "Oh hi there."

"Don't you 'hi there' me little miss," spat Phoebe. "Joey, what are doing? This is Rachel's little sister!"

"I know. I know, it's bad, but-"

"Bad?" interrupted Phoebe, very much overreacting. "This is worse than bad! This is very bad! Very bad with a capital v!"

" Now Phoebes lets not overreact… I mean it's not _that_ bad." Joey said.

"Yeah," said Jill. "I mean it's only sex..."

"Jill!" Joey exclaimed.

"You had sex!?" Phoebe demanded.

"Now, see what you did Jill!" Joey yelled.

………………………….

Ross and Rachel, meanwhile, were both sat in the Jacuzzi with their heads laid back in relaxation. Something was bothering Ross, he still was unsure of what Rachel had meant the other day about wanting more kids. He was just about to ask her about it when he noticed Mike was insight, carrying both twins with Emma toddling along beside him. "Hey," he said.

"Hi," Rachel greeted. "Hey Emma, come to mommy." Emma toddled over and jumped into her mother's arms, smiling as the warmness of the water hit her.

"You okay there?" Ross asked, seeing Mike carrying both twins.

"Oh, yeah, don't worry I got them." Mike assured him. "Hey, you guys haven't seen Phoebe, have you? She went to the bathroom, like, a half hour ago."

"No, why, think she's doing s bit of rough play, do you?" joked Rachel.

Mike stared for a moment "I do now." Then he shook his head, "No, no, she's not gonna do that… if you see her tell her I'm looking for her anyway."

"Sure," they promised.

…………………………

Phoebe and Joey sat on the waters edge, after lots of yelling Phoebe had finally calmed down and relaxed. Jill was swimming in the pool their feet were swashing around in. And Joey, subconsciously, was staring at her. After several minutes of looking at Joey staring at Jill, Phoebe had to say something, "You like her?"

Joey looked up at her, "What?"

"Come on Joey, I may be blonde but I'm not stupid, you haven't stopped staring at her since we got out the bathroom."

Joey shrugged, "I don't know. I do, but… she's Rachel sister… you wont tell, will you?"

"Tell Jill, that you like her more than just the sex? No."

"Uh, actually I meant, you, you wont tell Rach?" Joey said, biting his lip.

"Please Phoebes, I'll do anything," Joey begged. He put on sweet tone and stuck out his bottom lip, "I love you…"

"Alright! Fine! But I hope you realise what you're getting yourself into!" Phoebe said loudly. "You know nothing good can come of this!"

"Alright, alright, don't worry," Joey assured Phoebe with a grin.

"You know Rachel's gonna kill you when she finds out."

"No she won't," Joey said disbelievingly.

"Heh, you think?"

"Do _you_ think?" Joey's went wide.

"I _know_ , Joey." Phoebe nodded.

"Oh my God! She's gonna kill me!" Joey yelped. "She's gonna hate me, isn't she? She's gonna hate me for the rest of my life… however long she'll let that be."

Phoebe looked down sadly, "I think you gotta do the right thing right about here."

"Which is?"

"Either tell Rachel or… break up with Jill," Phoebe said sadly.

Joey stared at Phoebe as realisation took hold and he couldn't help but nod, "You're right, but if I – if Rachel finds out… do you think she'll hate me?"

Phoebe said nothing, which was all Joey needed to hear to know the answer to his question… and know exactly what he was going to do.

**Ending Credits**

Monica made her way back to the side of the pool, in total annoyance at how she was not getting any better at how to swim at all.

"Come on," complained Chandler. "You almost had it then."

Monica looked at Chandler disbelievingly, "Really?"

"Well… maybe after more practice," Chandler shrugged.

Monica made a grab for him with an angry but playful look on her face, but Chandler laughed and simply swam out into the pool where Monica couldn't get him.

………………………………………………….

A/N: Here you go. Not as good as previous ones in my own opinion (laughter wise anyway), but what do you think? Personally I think I've been reading too much drama fanfic and not watching enough friends lately, but that's just me. Please read and Review, it's what keeps me going.


	6. TOW the money trouble

**The One With The Money Trouble**

AN: Here's episode 6. Sorry there's not much Mondler in this but I was tired and it was already a full episode.

Ep6 Summary: Ross makes a huge suggestion. Joey makes his own desision, with Phoebe on his back. Whilst Chandler pressures Joey himself.

……………

"I don't get it," Rachel complained as she and Ross sat on the couch together, papers lettered their laps as they sorted through various bills and bank statements. "I mean, how did this happen? When did we get into dept?"

"Probably around the same time you spent three months wages on a pair of shoes," Ross replied, looking at the piece of paper in his hand and shaking his head.

"Hey, they were on sale!" Rachel defended.

Ross sighed, "Look, I guess that we're just spending more than we're earning these days. I mean Emma's costing more now she's getting older, Joey and Jill are living here and… well, you have a _very_ expensive taste."

"Oh, come on, I do not!" Rachel insisted. Ross raised his eyebrows. Rachel sighed, "Okay, I do a little. What are we going to do about this?"

"I don't know," Ross admitted. "I guess we should hold a few things off for a while…"

Rachel frowned, "What things?"

"Oh, uh…" Ross looked at Rachel, realising now was the time to discuss the thing he had meaning to share for a while now. "Well, uh, I've been thinking about maybe… family kind of things."

"We are a family."

"Yes! Yes, I know but I was actually thinking about you know… marriage."

"Marriage?"

"Yeah, you know; tying the knot, announcing our bond, big wedding with…"

"Yeah, yeah, I know what marriage is! I, I don't know Ross, I mean I gotta think about this," Rachel said, more than a little scared.

"Well, okay but think quick 'cause you know the big wedding sell out is in the summer so we gotta book fast."

"Right, right, of course a summer wedding, you know like I always wanted…" Rachel gave a huge exasperated sigh and with Ross' calm face staring at her, began to panic slightly. "Okay, just give me a minute to… pick out clothes for it…" she said, getting up and heading to their room.

"But Rach, what about a wedding -"

"No, no, not now Ross!" she yelled, running into the bedroom.

**Starting Credits**

Meanwhile Joey and Jill were talking in Central Perk as they drank coffee. Joey was having the hardest time searching for the right words to tell Jill what she needed to hear. " Uh, Jill I really gotta tell you something."

"Oh yeah! I gotta tell you something too, can I go first?"

"Um, sure…"

"Okay, well I have to say, before I met you I was just, you know, like one of those incredibly pretty girls who guys just want one night stands with… but you, Joey, you make me so much more… and I really like you, a lot." She smiled at Joey, who suddenly had the biggest desire not to do the thing he had convinced himself he really needed to do… right now. "You go," she said.

"Oh, uh, well thanks for that. I, uh… I like you too... but…" he felt his stomach plummet as he saw her face fall at the word 'but'. "But I, I don't know if we should… carry on because Rachel…"

"Rachel! What is it with you and my sister? Why do you want to ruin this!?"

"No, no Jill, I don't want to, I swear!"

"Then why are you?"

"Rachel's my friend and I'm the one always wanting to stick by the rules, and here I am - breaking one of the biggest ones!"

"Joey, Rachel won't mind."

"Huh, you think? What about when you an Ross went out?"

"That was different."

"How?" Joey insisted.

"I don't know; I have trouble remembering dating him." Jill admitted as Joey sighed, exasperated. "Look, I thought Ross was an ex, they had history, you and Rachel don't – well, not much. Anyway, you know if you dump me, you won't get the surprise I have for you tonight…"

"Surprise?" Joey couldn't help grinning. "Like a… dirty surprise?"

"Well, let's just say when you've snuck over from the couch this evening, I have a good feeling I can make you forget all about those '_rules'_ of yours in a _very filthy_ way," Jill said with a smile.

"Oh yeah?" Joey grinned.

"Yeah, but you can't dump me or tell Rachel, okay?"

Joey thought about that for a moment, he knew he should - as Phoebe said – 'do the right thing', but he was having trouble refusing such a great offer. "Okay, I wont tell Rachel… or dump you."

"Great!" Jill grinned.

……………………………

"You what!?" Chandler stared at Ross with a mixture of disbelief and horror on his face after Ross had told him what he'd asked Rachel. Him, Ross and Joey were sat in Central Perk.

"I told Rachel I think we should get married when we were sorting through papers yesterday," said Ross calmly.

"And what did she say?" Chandler exclaimed.

"Well," Ross thought about that for a moment. "I guess I didn't really get a firm answer from her but I think she's gonna think about it."

"Oh, think about it? Really? God, Ross I don't get it. I mean what did you just slip it in like 'Hey Rachel, want a drink? Yeah, okay then, how about a marriage too?'" Chandler shook his head, making it known he didn't approve at all.

"Well, I think it's great," said Joey from the chair, over the sports column of the paper. He was actually wanting Rachel to get married because he thought that if she was caught up in the wedding, she wouldn't be noting the fact that her sister and best guy friend were off disappearing together.

"Thanks Joe!" Ross said. He turned to Chandler, "You see, at least some appreciate their friends wishes."

Chandler shook his head, "You know what, I think I said before that I think you think of marriage as a kind of sport but you know what… I take that back, it's more like a disease to you. Honestly Ross, do you think a marriage can solve all of life's mysteries?"

Ross shook his head, "You'll never understand married life."

Chandler snorted, "Me never understand? I have been happily married now for over three years with two beautiful children. You are currently planning your forth marriage with your third wife whilst she ponders a wedding to you. I think I stand a little better, if you don't mind me saying."

Ross looked down at the notebook full of the wedding plans he'd been writing, he shook his head, "I know what I'm doing." He go up and left the coffee shop, leaving Chandler knowing full well that he hadn't a clue what he was doing.

Chandler looked at Joey, "So Joe, what's going on with you?"

Joey looked up from his paper again and shrugged, "Not a lot." He went back to his paper.

"Come on man, I'm serious, I feel like we never talk anymore. Really, what's going on with you?"

Joey frowned at Chandler, "When did we ever talk about stuff like that anyway?"

"Fine, we don't talk – full stop. I still wanna know what's going on with you? I mean, still chasing after the ladies?"

Joey's mouth hovered and for a moment he was on the verge of telling Chandler everything, but he resisted and simply shrugged instead, "You know me." He shrugged, then looked up again and decided to take a different approach, "I have an audition tomorrow."

"Really, that's great. But what about the ladies?"

"I have an audition tomorrow," Joey repeated, hoping a change of the subject will get Chandler off of his back.

Chandler shook his head, "What is it with you lately? You're jumpy, you're lying, I don't even feel like I know you anymore."

Joey stared down at the floor, "I can't tell you; you'll think less of me."

"Well, it can't be worse than what I'm thinking now."

Joey sighed and took a deep breath, "Okay, here's the thing, I -"

But right at that moment Monica and Phoebe walked in, cutting Joey short. "Hey," they chimed.

"Hey," greeted Chandler. He looked at Monica, "Where are the twins?"

"I was just on my way to pick them up from my parent's, coming?" Monica said.

"Sure," Chandler said, getting up. "I'll talk to you later," he told Joey.

Monica and Chandler left, leaving Joey with Phoebe. He bit his lip and turned away, trying to not catch her eye. "Well?" she said.

"Well what?" he said, playing dumb.

"Well, have you ended it with Jill!?" she exclaimed.

Joey thought about that, "Yeah… if, by end, you mean have passionate sex with."

"Joey!" Phoebe complained. "Well okay, does this mean you're telling Rachel?"

"Um, I'm thinking… no."

"Joey! You swore! You swore you would do the right thing!" Phoebe exclaimed.

"What? No, I didn't!"

Phoebe frowned as the memory came back to her, "Well damn it, you should have!"

"Come on Phoebe, I don't wanna break up with Jill – at least not yet. And you know if I tell Rachel I'll have to. Look, I will do the right thing eventually, just not yet, I will when I've figured out what it is. Please"

Phoebe looked at Joey's sad face, "Okay, fine. But you still have to do the right thing though. Okay?"

Joey nodded firmly, "Okay."

"In two weeks, on thanksgiving?"

"In two weeks, on thanks- what?" he stared at Phoebe. "So soon?" Phoebe gave him a look and he sighed, nodding grudgingly, "Fine."

……………………………….

That night at Ross and Rachel's apartment Jill and Rachel were hanging out on the sofa. Rachel flicked through Cosmo but found her thoughts wondering to what Ross had suggested earlier. She sighed and addressed Jill, "Uh, Jill have you ever had a boyfriend ask you to, uh… marry him."

Jill's attention turned away from the TV to Rachel, "What? Like… with a wedding and stuff?"

Rachel shrugged, "Yeah… it's just Ross kind of proposed to me whilst we were going through bills yesterday."

"What? You mean your roommate asked you to marry him? That is so inappropriate," Jill said.

"Okay Jill, do you not live here right now? Because Ross is my **boyfriend** . And yes, he let slip he wants marry, and he wants me to get back to him… preferably in time for a summer wedding," Rachel sighed.

"What, but that's is so gross… I mean he doesn't even have a car."

"Yep…" Rachel said to herself. "I should have called Monica." She sighed and looked back at Jill, whose attention was now back on the reality programme on TV. It was then that Rachel reminded herself that Jill had been living here now for about two weeks, and was probably the reason they were behind on paying the bills. "Um, Jill can I, uh, can I ask you something?"

"Sure," Jill's attention didn't lapse from the TV.

"Um, well I really enjoy living with you and everything but… well how, um, how much longer do you plan on living here?"

Jill wiped round and frowned at Rachel, "I thought you **liked** having your little sister live with you."

"I do!" Rachel said quickly. "It's just… we're really crowded her. What with you and Joey… and me and Ross."

"So chuck out Ross."

"This is Ross' apartment, and he's my **boyfriend** ."

"Fine, if you really want to then you can move out."

Rachel shook her head. God, sisters…

……………………….

Joey entered Central Perk the next day and to his delight found Jill on the couch, and no else insight. "Hey," he grinned.

"Hi there," she said, smiling. Then her face fell slightly, "Listen, I got something to tell you. I didn't wanna tell you when we was at it last night because I thought it might ruin the mood, but… well, Rachel told me I might have to move out pretty soon."

Joey's face fell, "Oh no. Do you have to?"

"I guess I might be able to convince her otherwise…"

"Oh yeah, great! How?" Joey said eagerly.

"Same way I convinced you," Jill said happily.

"Um, wouldn't that be illegal?" Joey frowned.

"No! Not that kind of convincing. I mean I can make a deal with her."

"Oh, okay…" Joey nodded. Then his brow furred slightly, "You don't just think I didn't end things because of a deal do you?"

She smiled, "I hope not."

"You don't need to hope baby." Joey grinned and then said, "So this deal, you have anything in mind?"

"Oh yeah! There's these pair of boots she'll just love."

"Great!" Joey grinned.

"Yeah, if I could just borrow like fifty bucks that'd be great…"

Joey face turned gloomy, "Oh, uh Jill, I, I don't have any money… I'm not working, remember."

"Oh," Jill face went cloudy. "Well hey, don't worry, my father will give me it."

"Right…" a thought occurred to Joey; what if Jill doesn't think he could provided? "Oh, but don't' worry though, 'cause I'll get a job… I mean actually have an audition at one today."

"Um Joey…" Jill checked her watch. "It's two right now…"

Eyes wide, Joey checked his watch and, seeing the time, he ran from the coffee shop.

……………………………………….

Rachel entered her and Ross' (and Joey and Jill's) apartment that night to find Ross sat reading a palaeontology magazine. "Hey," he said when he saw her.

"Hi," she said. She remembered Ross' little proposal from before and heaved a gentle sigh, she knew it was now or never. "Ross, can we talk for a minute."

"Sure," he put sown the magazine and motioned Rachel to sit beside him. Part of him already knew what it was about.

"Um, about that little… proposal from before…"

"Yeah, I – I figured it would be about that. Listen, you should, you should just forget I ever mentioned it… I mean it was stupid to put that on you."

Rachel sighed in relief, "Yes! Yes it was stupid to put that on me!"

"Yeah… yeah, and I just want to say it doesn't matter for now… you know, we can – we can put it in a little box for now and, you know, look at marriage another time."

"Another time?" Rachel frowned.

"Yeah, you know, in the future… in the way, way future, right Rach?"

Rachel shook her head, "Ross, no I – I don't think you understand… I love you so much… and I love living with you and Emma, but… I don't ever want to marry you again…"

**Ending Credits**

Chandler entered Central Perk to find Joey on the sofa, drinking his coffee, "Hey, there you are… I've been looking for you everywhere. You still have to tell me that big thing from before."

"Uh," Joey bit his lip nervously; he wasn't sure telling Chandler would be a good thing to do right about now. "What – what are you talking about?"

"Come on man, you know what I mean. What were you gonna tell me before?"

"You know what Chandler I, uh," Joey mimicked trying to think of something forgotten, "I uh, I cant remember."

"Joey! Seriously, what is it?" Chandler pleaded.

"Seriously man, I forgot, I don't know. But, you know what, I'll tell you the moment it comes screaming back to me."

With that Joey left the coffee house.

……………………………….

AN: Please review. Rachel's reasons for not wanting to marry will be put forth in the next episode by the way. Oh, and I'm sorry this is a little shorter than the others.


	7. TOW all the pregnancy

**The One With All The Pregnancy**

AN: People thank you so much for the reviews; I would never have anticipated it would become this popular. For those of you who have asked, will this be a J&R fic? I can safely say this is not – repeat: NOT – going to become a J&R fic. As much as I love them, I have enough stories about them on my page. There will, of course, be some J&R friendship stuff, but that's it. Although, even though I say this won't be a J&R fic, lobster lovers may hate me for this episode, sorry.

Also I'm sorry I've been dealing more of drama than comedy in this fic lately.

Now on with the show…

……………….

"What?" Ross stumbled. Rachel's words hit him hard. "You – you never wanna marry me? What are you – what are you talking about?" he stared at her, almost as if hoping she'd shout 'Fooled you!' When she didn't, he had to face facts. "I don't believe this."

""Ross," began Rachel. "Just listen to me -"

"Listen to you! Wha – what's to listen?" Ross gave a forced laugh. "You've just told me you don't want to marry me! Its perfectly clear!" Rachel put her head in her hands, she really hated seeing Ross like this; he was going all Ross on her. "So, so what are we doing here Rachel?"

"What?" Rachel looked up.

"Well, if you don't want to marry me - and from that it seems perfectly clear you don't love me – then what, uh, what are we doing in a dead end relationship?"

"What? No, no, no, no, no Ross! You don't understand!" she put her hands on Ross' shirt, forcing her eyes into his. "Please, Ross, I love you, I love you so much! I just – I can't -"

"Yeah right!" Ross interrupted. "You know what, I think I need to get out of here!" with that he got up and left the apartment, slamming the door behind him, ignoring Rachel cries for him to stop.

Rachel groaned and put her head back, "Well," she muttered to herself. "That could have gone better."

Starting Credits

Phoebe was sitting on her couch, rubbing her stomach and watching the TV when she let out a large shriek. Immediately, Mike came running from the bedroom, "What? What? What?"

"The baby," Phoebe screamed. "The baby! It just kicked!"

"What? Really, are you -," then he stopped as he realised something. "Uh, Phoebs I don't think it did."

"What? Why?"

"Because you're only eight weeks pregnant," Mike said simply. The baby is barely half as big as my little finger."

"No, no! I definitely felt it kick," she assured him.

"No, no. You didn't. The baby doesn't kick until about sixteen weeks, trust me."

"Oh, and where did you hear that Mr pregnancy?" Phoebe said disbelievingly.

"The baby books."

"Oh, the books! And what, you, you believe the books over your pregnant wife?"

"Well, if the book was written by a mother of three… then yeah."

"Mike please… I think I know what I felt, now please shut up about the damn book," Phoebe shrugged.

"Look, the book said -"

"Okay, Mike, why don't you just marry the book!"

…………………………………………..

Meanwhile Joey was having trouble of his own trying to avoid Chandler, who had been asking about Joey's secret affair ever since he'd almost told him about it. Unfortunately for Joey, Jill wasn't so keen to keep out of his way and insisted on going over to Monica's and Chandler's while they were out together that afternoon. "Come on," she insisted as they hovered out on Monica and Chandler's porch.

"I don't know about this…" Joey muttered. "Chandler's been after me all day… he thinks I have secret."

Jill smiled, "Joey, you do."

"Yeah, I know. But I don't want him to know."

"Oh, come on Joe. We never go and see people," Jill said.

"See people? What are you talking about? We see people, in fact you know where there's loads of people? The coffee house, come on lets go over there now, I'll show you all kinds of people." He was about to turn around, but Jill grabbed him back.

"I wanna see your friends," Jill said

"Don't you think it'll be weird that we came together?"

"No, we didn't come together did we? We just met each other at the door. I'm looking for Rachel and you're here to hang with your friends," Jill rang the doorbell.

It was just Joey's bad luck that Chandler answered the door, "Hey! Joey, I've been looking for you."

"Really?" said Joey upon entering.

Chandler looked at both of them oddly as they headed for the living room, "What you two doing here… together?"

"Oh no," Jill said quickly. "I'm looking for Rachel."

"Yeah," said Joey. "And I'm here to see my old buddy Chandler, who knows everything by the way – all my secrets."

"Um, okay," said Chandler. "Well Rachel's not here," he told Jill.

"Oh, okay sure I'd love to hang out with you guys," Jill said, and they all sat down on the couch.

Just then Monica entered from the kitchen, "Hey Chandler, have you seen the baby bottles?" she saw Joey and Jill, "Oh, hi you two… together?"

Jill sighed, "For gods sake, I was looking for Rachel!"

At that precise moment Rachel entered. Joey leaned to Jill, "Wow, how'd you do that?"

Rachel collapsed onto the couch next to Joey, "hey."

"You look terrible," commented Monica.

"Thanks," said Rachel sarcastically. "Though to be honest I feel terrible. You know Ross asked me to marry him, well -"

"What!?" interrupted Monica. "Ross proposed to you!"

"Oh yeah I know," said Chandler. "You know I think proposing comes as naturally as sleeping for Ross."

"You knew about this!" Monica yelled at Chandler.

Chandler looked at his wife, quite terrified. "No…" he tries.

Monica gave her husband a scalding look and turned back to Rachel and said excited, "Well, what did you say?"

Rachel bit her lip, "Well, I – I said no…"

"What!?" the entire room burst out.

"Look, you guys, I'm sorry, I just… oh, I don't know," Rachel gave a huge sigh.

"I can't believe this," said Chandler. "You told Ross you _didn't_ want to marry him… do you know how much this is gonna kill him… I mean it's bad for an ordinary guy, but for Ross… the guy married and divorced three times. Man."

"Alright you guys, relax. It's not like he got down on one knee or anything… it was just a suggestion he made…"

"But why did you turn him down?" Monica complained.

"Look, I really just don't want to talk about it. I'll talk to Ross about it tonight but until then I don't even wanna think about marriage," Rachel insisted.

There was a silence as everyone fell back and didn't talk about it. Until Chandler said, "Still can't believe you refused to marry Mr Marriage."

Rachel sighed in frustration, "Chandler!"

…………………………………………………

Meanwhile Ross was over at Central Perk, angry with himself for overreacting. Then again maybe he hadn't been overreacting, after all who was talking about marriage and a future one minute and then throwing it all out the window the next? Just then, he was thrown from his thoughts by the entrance of Phoebe.

"Hi Ross," she said sighing. "God, Mike is so annoying, he wants to marry this stupid book," she then noticed something was wrong. "What's up?"

Ross sighed as Phoebe sat down, "I asked Rachel to marry."

"What? Oh my God, are you serious? That's fantastic, when's the wedding," Phoebe gushed.

"Never."

"Say what Ross?" Phoebe frowned.

"She says she _never_ wants to get married," Ross said sadly.

"What!? Wow, so she never wants to get married, and she's dating _you_ of all people… wow, you two are like total opposites aren't you?" Phoebe said.

"What am I gonna do Phoebs? I think I totally scared her off."

"I can imagine. I mean you get more crazy with each divorce, but to have someone not even want to marry you first… man oh man!" Phoebe shook her head. "Well, I think you should just talk it out with her…"

"You sure?" Ross looked doubtful.

"Of course, it'll be fine. Just try _really_ hard not to propose again," Phoebe said.

Ross sighed, "Okay, but… what if it doesn't work out…"

"It will," Phoebe assured him.

"How do you know?" he asked.

She just smiled knowingly, "Because it's you two…"

Ross smiled, "Thanks Phoebe. Um, what were you saying before about a book?"

"Oh, the baby's kicking!" Phoebe said loudly.

"What, rea –" then he stopped in the same way Mike had. "Um, Phoebe I don't think it's big enough to kick yet."

"Oh, you two? For God's sake why don't you marry the book with Mike then" …you marry everything else," she muttered as she left the coffee house.

………………………………………….

Chandler stood up from the couch and turned to Joey, "Well I'm off to the coffee house, you coming man?"

"Uh," Joey glanced nervously to the stairs, where Jill had just disappeared to bathroom. "I – dunno… What about the girls?"

"Rachel and Mon are in the kitchen, come on, if they wanna come they'll catch us later."

"Right," Joey stood up, just as Jill entered the living room.

"Oh, hold on Joe, I'm just going to the bathroom," Chandler disappeared up the stairs, to leave Joey and Jill alone.

"Well, would you look at that," said Jill, grinning.

"What?" Joey said.

"An empty room… we're all alone in a large empty room," she placed her hands around his waist and kissed him tenderly. Her hands caressed his buttocks as her lips made tracks around his face.

He smiled mischievously as she kissed him, but could get rid of the small tangle of doubt as he looked towards the door, "Jill…" he muttered. "Jill, anyone could walk in."

"You don't mind when we're in my room having **fun** and Rachel or Ross could walk in at anytime…" Jill said.

"That is because they are also having **fun** , and at times like that couldn't give an ass monkey's what we're doing." The he heard the sound of shoes on the stairs and pushed away Jill quickly.

"You have got to stop doing that," she muttered. Chandler entered and she quickly exited, "I'll go join the girls."

Chandler looked at Joey, but Joey noticed he looked worried, concerned. Joey frowned, "What's up? Toilet blocked?" he tried a grin. Chandler just shook his head and held something up in his right hand, it was a stick… a pregnancy test. Joey mouth opened, "What -?"

"A pregnancy test - one that wasn't here this morning… It's positive… Jill's pregnant."

……………………………

Rachel entered her apartment that afternoon and found Ross just putting Emma down to bed. She did her best to smile when he saw her, "Hi."

He tried to smile back, "Hi."

"Ross," Rachel said nervously, "Look, I – I think we need to talk about… before."

Ross nodded, "I know."

Rachel sighed and went over to the couch as Ross did the same. "Look, Ross I -"

"Wait, um, can I just say that I want to be with you, and if you don't want to get married yet… we can wait."

Rachel took a shot at another smile, "Ross, I meant what I said before, I don't want to get married to you ever – I **can't** get married to you."

Ross shook his head, "But why? Are you – are you already married or something?" he laughed nervously, but stopped instantly, almost believing it.

"No, nothing like that," Rachel assured him. "It's just… okay, Ross I love you – I love you so much – but you're… well you're like this big divorcing guy."

"What?"

"Look, you have divorced **three** separate women… look at them all… I can't be one of those women. I already have been once, and I just… I **can't** do it again, I **can't** ." Rachel shook her head.

"But, we won't get divorced," Ross insisted.

How do you know that?" Rachel asked.

"But… you said before… when you were talking about kids that you wanted marriage…" Ross said helplessly. "That's one of the reasons I asked."

"I know," Rachel nodded. " And I am so sorry for giving you that false hope, but I've thought about it a lot since then and I can't Ross… it's too scary. Can you understand this… please?"

Ross shrugged, "Okay…"

Rachel gave him a tight hug and said into his sweater, "Everything can just be the same as it always was."

"Yeah…" Ross muttered, but that's not how he felt… nothing was the same.

Ending Credits

Phoebe and Mike were watching the TV when once again she gave a small scream and held her stomach, "It kicked again!"

Mike sighed and shook his head, "Phoebe I told you -" without warning Phoebe grabbed his hand and placed it on her stomach.

"See?" she said.

Mike shook his head, "I don't feel anything. I'm telling you, the baby isn't kicking yet." He pulled his hand away.

"I'm telling you, it is!" Phoebe insisted.

Mike sighed, "Look." He grabbed a book from on the coffee table.

"Oh, here she is," Phoebe muttered. "Miss three babies. You know this is my forth baby, so I think I know a lot more about pregnancy than this book worm."

Mike sighed and began flicking through the book then he frowned slightly, "Where are you feeling it kick?"

Phoebe pointed to the place on her stomach, "Right here."

Mike nodded knowingly, "Yeah, that's gas."

………………………………………

AN: Hope you liked this ep, once again I'm sorry for it being less comedy. And also, I'm not sure if everyone will buy that reason of not wanting to get married, but oh well, it's my fic. Oh and **dognamedduck** - thank you for pointing out what Rachel said before, I almost forgot about it, hope you got your answer in this fic.


	8. TOW the Thanksgiving without the turkey

The One With Thanksgiving Without The Food

**The One With A Thanksgiving Without The Turkey**

AN: Once again, I thank you for your reviews. If you haven't guessed this episode will be the thanksgiving one, which – if you were watching a real 11th season – I think would appear about now. By the way I'm not much familiar with American culture as I'm English and only know of thanksgiving ways from watching friends episodes. So if I get something wrong please tell me, the only thing I'm sure of is that it's on the third Thursday of November and you eat turkey. Anyone care to give me any history?

………

"So, who's here for thanksgiving on Thursday?" Chandler asked his wife as he read newspaper one morning at the kitchen table. When his wife didn't reply he looked up at her, "Mon?" still she didn't move, just continued to stare at her toast. "Mon!"

Her head raised, startled at the sound of his loud voice, "What?"

"Who's here for thanksgiving on Thursday?" Chandler repeated.

"Oh, um… the usual; Ross and Rachel, Phoebe and Mike, Joey, Jill…" said Monica, snapping out of her trance and busying herself by clearing the table. "Oh, by the way could you pick up the turkey and thanksgiving stuff tomorrow?"

"Sure," Chandler replied. "Say, are you okay? You seem -" he was interrupted then however by the arrival of Joey, who entered without knocking.

"Hey," he greeted, sitting down at their table.

Chandler frowned at him, "So, did you forget where the doorbell is or…?"

"What? I used to come in without knocking all the time at your old place," Joey shrugged.

Monica smiled, "I'm just gonna go check on the twins." She disappeared into the living room, leaving Chandler and Joey alone.

Chandler smiled at Joey, "You told Jill you know about her being pregnant?"

Joey felt himself tense; he'd just forced himself to temporarily forget about that, "No."

"God, fancy her pregnant. You know who the farther might be? I mean, have you seen her bring home any men who you think it might be?" Chandler asked.

"No! Man, what's with the third degree?" Joey said, clearly annoyed.

"Okay, okay. Geez, is it the time of month for everyone today? God," Chandler muttered on his way to the fridge.

Starting Credits

Jill came out of her bedroom early the following morning and frowned at the lack of Joey in the living area. Only Rachel was there, feeding Emma. "Morning Rach."

"Hey, morning Jill," Rachel greeted. "Hey, you're coming to thanksgiving at Mon's tomorrow, right?"

"Yep, you bet," Jill nodded. "Uh, so do you know where Joey is?"

Rachel shook her head, frowning slightly, "No, he left before I got up. Why?"

"Oh, uh, he said he would, um… make me breakfast."

"Joey offered to make you breakfast?" Rachel laughed. "Wow, and coming from the man who wouldn't offer me _one_ of his seven pancakes he baked one morning."

Jill shrugged nervously, "People change Rach."

"Oh, well I haven't seen him this morning Jill."

"Oh, right okay," she sighed, more annoyed than anything, and headed back to her room, just as Ross entered from his and Rachel's.

"Morning honey," Rachel said, lifting Emma up from her highchair and holding her close. "Say morning to daddy Emma."

"Dada dada…" Emma cooed.

Ross simply smiled and gave a short nod, heading for the front door. "Where are you going?" Rachel asked.

"Work," Ross said, and he was out of the door. Rachel sighed; he's been like that ever since she told him she didn't want to get married, distant, quiet. It was reaching the point where she wasn't sure what to do anymore.

……………………

Thursday came around and as Joey sat in the living area whilst the food preparations went on the kitchen, he couldn't help but to glance at Jill much more than necessary. He had been avoiding her since he found out she was pregnant, but now he was sat right next to her, where she was secretly caressing her hand against his ass. Joey got up suddenly; he needed to talk to someone… his last hope.

He made his way into the kitchen, leaving a disappointed Jill sitting next to Rachel. He found Phoebe making the cranberry sauce. "Hey Phoebes, there you are, listen I -"

"There _you_ are. Have you decided?" Phoebe said, giving a huge sigh.

Joey's face was fogged with confusion, "Huh?"

"Joey! Don't tell me you've forgot! Do **not** tell me you have forgotten!"

Joey tried forcing a laugh, "No! Of course I haven't forgot." He looked at Phoebe's relieved face and gave her a hopeful smile, "Forgot what?"

Phoebe sighed, exasperated, "Don't you remember? You were supposed to have decided what to do about the whole, " she lowered her voice, "Jill situation by today."

Joey put his head in his hands when he realised that was true, "Damn it!"

Phoebe shook her head, "You don't know what you're going to do, do you?"

Joey looked up, "No, no I don't… and I kinda gotta tell you something too."

Phoebe sighed, "Shoot."

"Did you take a pregnancy test, say, sometime last Friday?"

"That isn't telling me something Joey, that's asking me something."

"Did you or didn't you?"

"No. I already know I'm pregnant."

Joey felt his head drop down towards the floor, his last chance – gone.

Phoebe stared at Joey, "Is someone else pregnant?" Joey didn't look up. "Okay Joey, it's one of two possibilities here. Either you're pregnant or Jill's pregnant, and I'm guessing you getting pregnant is a little difficult, you know until them DNA geeks understand it'd be better to share the birth burden."

Joey nodded, "Jill's pregnant. Chandler found the test in the trash."

"Oh my God! Joey, what were you doing? I thought you kept dozens of condoms!" Phoebe hissed at him, making sure Monica couldn't here from the over by the oven.

"I do! We were very careful, I swear."

Phoebe shook her head, "God, I can't even imagine what Rachel's gonna say…"

Joey looked at Phoebe, "What? No, no, no, no… I can't tell her _now_, she'll kill me!"

"She was gonna kill you anyway Joey," Phoebe assured him.

"No, but now she's gonna be double mad, I knocked up her sister, she's gonna kill me twice!"

Phoebe gave a grave nod, "That is true, but kill you twice or not, you still have to tell her, you got her sister pregnant, she deserves to know. You never know, she might be fine with it."

Joey looked up hopefully, "Really, you think she might?"

Phoebe bit her lip, "Hmm, honestly no."

…………………………………………..

Rachel had decided it was time to talk to Ross, he had been pretty much avoiding her all day, she needed to know what was going on; she followed him up when he went to the bathroom and was waiting right outside when he came out. "Ah ha!" she screamed as soon as he entered the hall.

Ross gave a small shriek and then placed his hand on his chest and gasped, "You know that's traditional for Halloween – which by the way was weeks ago."

"Ross, you have been avoiding me all day, and I think we need to talk."

"Wh – what? I, uh, I haven't been avoiding you."

"This morning you said you had to leave to go to the doctors… because you had the hiccups," Rachel said.

Ross stared at her for a second, "They were irritating."

"Ross!"

"Okay, okay, Rachel I'm sorry. I just – I guess I'm still a bit off because you, well you don't wanna marry me do you?" Ross said sadly.

"Oh, Ross…. I'm sorry, I am but, you know -"

"I know, I know," said Ross quickly. "You're scared it wont work out."

Rachel nodded, "Yeah." She tried to smile, "Is this going to be a problem because I just I don't if -"

"No, no… it isn't it – I mean I'll be fine. We'll be fine."

Rachel nodded, "We will, we will." They tried to convince each other.

……………………………………….

"Hey Joey," Chandler said to Joey as the sat in the living room. "You found anything else about Jill's baby? I mean, have you told her you know about it?"

Joey sighed, "No chandler! Would you quit it already!"

"Okay man relax," Chandler muttered. "I was only asking. I thought you might wanna tell her so she has support."

"She has support!" Joey yelled. "Or she will anyway."

Chandler frowned, "Is something…"

"What?"

Chandler eyes widened, "Oh my God! You – you're – you-"

"Shhhh," Joey begged, as his eyes found Rachel and Jill talking by the door. "Be quiet man!"

"Sorry," Chandler muttered. "But I don't believe this, you knocked up Rachel's little sister? Oh my God – she is gonna kill you!"

"Don't you think I know that!" Joey yelled. "Now please Chandler, don't tell her. I will, but not just yet."

"Chandler nodded, "Okay, but man oh man… good luck!"

…………………………………………

"Mon?" Chandler muttered, going through to the kitchen as Monica chopped the carrots. "The guys wanna know when the food will be ready?"

Monica looked up, oddly spaced out, "Oh, uh, the turkey should be done now. Hey, can you do me a favour and get it out the oven?"

"Touch the disgusting feeder of this awful holiday? Yeah, why not," Chandler shrugged and went over to open the oven. "Um, Mon, any chance that was an invisible turkey you were referring to there?"

"What?" Monica frowned.

"There's no turkey in here."

"What? Yes there is!"

"Well, if there is, then I must have that disease where poultry becomes see through…" Chandler said.

Monica went over, and saw that Chandler was right, the oven was empty, "Oh no! I forgot to put the turkey in."

"You forgot to put the turkey in the oven… on thanksgiving!" Chandler said disbelievingly.

Monica sighed, "Hold on." She went to get it from the other side of the kitchen but came back empty handed, and with an angry look on her face. "Where's the turkey Chandler!?"

Chandler looked confused for a moment… then the fog cleared, "Ah…"

Just then Ross, Rachel, Joey, Jill, Phoebe and Mike walked in. "S'up?" said Ross. "We, uh, heard raised voices."

"Monica forgot to put the turkey in the oven!" Chandler yelled.

"Chandler forgot to pick up the turkey from the store!" Monica yelled.

"What, there's no turkey!?" Joey demanded.

Monica sighed, "I can't believe you forgot the turkey! I mean you bring all the vegetables anyone could want – parsnips, leeks, some brown I don't even know the name of! And yet you didn't get the turkey!"

"Well, well I'll go out now and get some," Chandler assured them all.

"But if we cook it now, we won't have thanksgiving until like, you know, late," said Jill.

"Well great," said Monica. "We'll have a delicious vegetable and potato thanksgiving! We can all be vegetarians for a day!"

"Oh yay!" said Phoebe excitedly.

"Um, actually, now you mention it, I think it'll just be vegetable's. we might of lost the potatoes somewhere…" Chandler muttered, meaning that he'd forgotten those too.

……………………………………………………..

Forty-five minutes later, and indeed all eight of them were settled around the table for their vegetable based thanksgiving. They all ate mostly in silence, all thinking of their own problems. It was really only Mike who seemed to be willing to make polite conversation, although he wasn't much enjoying the atmosphere. "So… how are the twins?" he asked Monica. Monica gave a small shrug. Mike nodded, "Great." He turned to Ross and Rachel, "So Ross, I heard you proposed again?" Ross gave him a scalding look and Phoebe kicked him in the shin for being thoughtless. Mike sighed and gave up.

"Joey," Chandler whispered to Joey sitting next to him. "When you gonna tell Rachel?"

Joey leaned closer to Chandler so the others wouldn't hear, "Well, I was thinking of maybe sending an e-mail sometime next month."

"Joey!" Chandler hissed.

"Alright, look I don't know, okay?" Joey hissed back.

"What are you girls whispering about over there?" demanded Monica, who was still cheesed off about Chandler forgetting the turkey.

"Nothing," Joey muttered.

"No, what is it?" asked Ross.

"I heard Rachel's name," said Mike, glad for the conversation.

"What? My name? Why – why were you talking about me?" Rachel asked.

"No! No we weren't," Joey said quickly and much too loudly. "We weren't. We weren't!"

Ross frowned, "Seriously guys what is it?"

Joey gave a pleading look to Phoebe, who simply shrugged helpless. Joey looked at Chandler who also shrugged. Then Joey looked at Jill whose eyes went wide when she realised what Joey wanted to do. "Um, well…"

"Joey!" yelled Jill. "You were just talking about your… um audition, right?" Joey looked at her. "Right!?"

"Okay seriously guys, what _is_ going on?" asked Rachel. "Chandler, do you know?"

Chandler opened his mouth for a second but before he could speak Monica said quickly, but under her breath, "Unless he's forgotten."

"I – I don't know…" muttered Chandler.

"Joey?" Rachel questioned.

Joey looked away from her, then he sighed, "Fine, okay, here it is…"

"Oh good, here it comes, the fight scene…" Phoebe whispered.

Mike frowned, "Fight scene?"

"Yeah, you'll see," Phoebe said.

"Okay," Joey stood up. "Rach, me and Jill kinda – uh – well, we uh, um," he cleared his throat. "We are, um…"

Phoebe sighed, "They had sex and now she's pregnant!"

Joey's eyes widened as Rachel's mouth widened in amazement…

Ending Credits

AN: Sorry there are no closing credits… they're all together and, well, you know…


	9. TOW Joey's huge happiness

The One With Joey's Huge Commitment

**The One With Joey's Huge Happiness**

AN: I would like to thank everyone for all the wonderful comments, they really keep this story alive, as I don't think I'd update without them.

By the way, this may be the last chapter I post for a while… I have exams in a few weeks and need to study. I will be back to normal posting towards the end of May though. So wish me luck…

This episode contains some of the stuff I've been planning for a while, so I suppose really it's quite important, so anyway, read away…

………………………..

There was deathly silence after Phoebe's outburst, as everyone in the room stared at either Jill, or Joey. Ross and Monica were the first to speak, in union, "What?"

Rachel mouth was open in astonished anger, "What?"

"What!?" Jill was full of confusion, although whether that was an act, Joey didn't know.

Joey turned to Phoebe and hissed, "Phoebe!"

"What?" Phoebe said defensively. "If w waited here for you to say we'd still be eating these vegetables next week." Mike beside her could help nodding in agreement to that.

Ross shook his head, staring at Joey, "I can't believe this."

Rachel was still in shock, "Oh my God."

Then Jill piped up, "Um, I'm sorry, but did Phoebe say 'knocked up'?"

"Yeah, 'cause you are, duh," Phoebe muttered, raising her eyes.

Jill frowned, "I am?"

"Oh my God," repeated Rachel

Joey's eyes went wide, "You're not?"

Jill laughed, "No! No I'm not pregnant!"

Rachel was shaking her head, "Oh my God."

**Starting Credits**

Joey stared at Jill, "But Phoebe found your pregnancy test in the trash."

"It's not mine!" cried Jill, just as Monica found sudden interest in her shoes, but which no one else noticed.

Rachel, still in shock, said yet again, "Oh my God."

After realising Rachel hadn't said anything much past those three words since finding out Joey decided it was time to explain to her. "Um, Rach…"

Rachel turned suddenly to Joey and said, rather unsteadily, "You. I, uh, I need to talk to you… out in the hall."

Jill looked from Rachel to Joey and back again, "Um, Rachel…"

"I'll yell at _you_ later!" Rachel yelled.

Joey stepped back, taken aback by her sudden burst of anger, "Rach, couldn't we talk here… you know with witnesses."

"Outside!" she yelled.

"You're the boss," Joey hurried out into the hall.

………………………………………………..

Joey and Rachel left to talk in the hall, leaving the others quite amazed by what had just gone on, no one was eating their vegetables. "Wow," whispered Ross.

Phoebe turned to Jill, "Are you _sure_ you're not pregnant?"

"Yes!"

Phoebe gave a sigh and looked down at her carrots. Ross turned to Chandler, "Hey man, can I talk to you for a sec?"

Chandler shrugged, "Sure." The two men went over to the other side of the kitchen away from the others, "S'up man?"

"I just, I uh, well… if Phoebe found that test in the trash then someone must be pregnant…"

"Really?" said Chandler, his voice heavy with sarcasm. "And there I thought she meant a math test." He changed his tone, "Geez Ross, you only just figured that out? Joey got there quicker than you."

"No," said Ross. "I mean… someone we know must be pregnant… and since it isn't Jill, Phoebe's already pregnant and it can't be Monica then that means it must be Rachel!"

"Oh," Chandler's jaw dropped as he realised this could be true. "But, wait let's not jump to conclusions here… I mean it, it, it might not be her."

Ross exhaled, "Yeah, then who? Joey? Mike? You? …Not very likely Chandler."

Chandler nodded grudgingly; he had to admit this was a good point. "Oh my God, well – well, what are you gonna do?"

Ross lifted his hand up in desperation, "Well, I – I don't know! What can I do?"

"Well, talking to Rachel will be a start, and nit freaking out would be next."

Ross had hardly heard him though, he was in his own dream world, "I'm gonna have another child," he kept on whispering to himself. "Me and Rachel are going to have another baby…"

……………………………………..

Joey took a deep breath before going out into the hall with Rachel. He hadn't a clue what he would say, but he didn't really think it would matter what came out of his mouth judging by the look on Rachel's face. She put her hand through her hair before speaking, trying to control her breathing, "I can't believe this. Ohh I just, I can't believe you'd – you – how _could_ you Joe? She's my sister!"

Joey shook his head; he had to try to make her see, "No Rach, no you – you gotta listen to me -"

Rachel shook her head, "Oh, no Joey! I cannot even **look** at you right now!" Rachel put her hand to her mouth, making him only just able to hear her as said loudly, "I mean, she's my sister Joey. My little sister!"

Joey tried again, "But Rach-"

"You know the crap I went through when Ross just _kissed_ her!" Rachel interrupted. "I mean she isn't just a girl you picked up, she is my sister! And I just – I really – I do not want her getting hurt, and you – you just…"

"I won't hurt her!" Joey was yelling now too.

"I can't believe you," Rachel went on. "You – the guy who 'sticks by the rules'!"

"That's not fair!"

"What – wh – why Joey? Why isn't _this_ fair on you Joey? I mean why the hell is -"

"Because I'm in love with her!"

A screaming silence was left after this outburst, as Rachel stood there dumbfounded by what Joey had just told her. Leaving her both a little guilty, and amazed. "What?" she whispered finally.

Joey looked down at his feet, swallowing hard and not finding it difficult to look at Rachel. "I am," he said quietly. "I know I am I – I haven't this way since with you. I love her."

Rachel's mouth opened, "Does – does she feel the same way?"

Joey looked up at her, she didn't look angry anymore. "I don't know," he admitted. "Sometimes I think she might."

"Wow," Rachel clearly looked gob smacked after believing Joey had only been having sex with Jill for the fun of it. "Come here." She gave a small smile to Joey and from then he knew it would be all right. She went up to him and gave him a hug.

"So," Joey pulled back slightly. "We're… uh, we are okay?"

Rachel gave him a grin, "We're gonna be fine." They went back to their hug.

…………………………………………….

A few days after the thanksgiving episode and Joey, Rachel, Phoebe, Monica and Chandler were sat at Central Perk drinking coffee when Joey's cell phone rang, "Hello?" he said picking it up. "…Oh hi Tom, how are ya? … Yeah? … Oh my God, seriously? … That's great … uh, okay, yeah I'll be there!" he hung up the phone and turned to the others, "You guys will never guess what!"

"Oooh, I love this game… uh, you - you got an acting job!" Phoebe yelled.

Joey looked slightly crestfallen, "Yeah, how did you know that?"

Phoebe grinned, "My psychic taught me well… it was either you have an acting job, or you were in bed with Matty Hobbs – and that guy's a client and a total virgin."

Joey smiled, "Yeah, well anyway, that was my new agent, Tom. He got me this great part in this movie role."

There were chants of "oooh" and "that's great!" as Joey grinned proudly at them all.

"Yeah," he went on. "I play the lead guy too! It's a tragic love story written years ago but what's been modernised. It's by some guy named Romeo or something… or maybe I play him, I dunno…"

The other all frowned, and Chandler put in quite calmly, "Could that be Romeo and Juliet written by _Shakespeare_ ?"

Joey shrugged, "Something like that, yeah. This is great, I can get my apartment back! I gotta tell Jill!" he ran out of central perk, happier than any of them had ever seen him.

"Wow, thing must really be going well with those two," Phoebe commented. "You okay with it Rach?"

"Yeah," said Rachel honestly. "I really am. I mean he loves her, I don't wanna get in the way of happiness."

"Yeah I agree, it's sweet what they have," Monica added.

"So, how are things with Ross?" Phoebe asked Rachel.

"Oh wait," Chandler quickly interrupted. "Are you three gonna go all girly, 'cause if you are then I think I remembered an errand I have to do right about now."

Monica smiled, "Looks that way Chandler." Chandler nodded and left.

The girls turned their attention back to Rachel who smiled, "Well, it's okay I guess, we're getting back on track… though I have this horrible feeling he seems to be wanting to tell me something. You know he keeps saying 'I have to talk to you about something' and then he goes all squeaky when I ask what and just makes up some excuse about needing to get an early appointment to the doctors… he may believe I think he's sick."

Phoebe shrugs dismissively, "Ah, he probably just wants to break up with you, if I were you I'd just yell at him to get it over with."

"What? Phoebe, he does **not** want to break up! And neither do I!"

"Why not? You've done it enough in the past," said Phoebe with an odd reasoning to her voice.

"Phoebe!" Rachel cried. "Look, I don't know what it is Ross wants, but I do agree with your yelling at him to get it over with bit. You know it's just getting really annoying now." Phoebe nodded knowingly, yet sympathetically. "Phoebe, we are not breaking up."

Phoebe gave a disbelieving smirk, "What ever you say…"

………………………………………….

Joey entered Ross and Rachel's apartment to find Jill on the phone. "Oh, gotta go!" she was saying. "Kay, bye." She hung up the phone quickly and, rather guiltily, turned to Joey, "Hey you."

"Hey," Joey said. "Who was that?"

"Oh, uh, just - just Amy."

"Right," said Joey dismissively. He then grinned at Jill as he began to excitedly tell her his news, "Well, guess what!? I have a movie role!"

Jill's eyes went wide with excitement and happiness, "What? Are you serious? Oh Joey!" she went over and hugged him tightly and pressed a deep kiss against his lips. "I _knew_ this would happen for you!"

Joey grinned, "Yeah, it did! Oh, but that isn't the best part… well it is, but I have some other news too."

"Really," Jill smiled. "What is it hon?"

"Well," Joey looked at Jill and remembered all he's told Rachel about loving her; it was all the truth. He was desperately in love with this woman and determined that his next question should go right. "Jill, I – I love you." It was the first time he had told her and she was clearly touched. "And I – I – well I, uh, I've sorted some stuff out, and since I'm working again I can have my apartment back and, well, I – I wondered if you might want to move in with me?"

Jill's mouth opened in amazement and she grinned at Joey. She was increasingly looking like her birthday had just come early twice. "Yeah, I'll move in with you! You big movie star, you!"

They hugged one another tightly and it suddenly felt for Joey, like all the pieces were slotting into place.

…………………………………………………….

It was a different matter for Ross who was increasingly feeling like if he didn't go right and say what he thought he knew soon then he might explode from the knowledge of it all. So when Rachel entered later that afternoon Ross was full of determination to simply tell her that he knew she was pregnant.

It seemed though that she already had something to discuss, "Ross! Ross!" she called as soon as she got in. Ross came into the living area from the bedroom where he'd been putting Emma down for a nap. Rachel, not seeing him, continued to call "Ross! as she hung up her coat. "Ro –." Then she saw him in front of her, "Oh."

"Hey," he said. "I need to talk to you about -"

"Yeah, yeah, I know, you need to talk to me! Exactly! So if you try to get out of whatever it is you're trying to tell me one more time by some lame doctor appointment then -!"

"I know, I know!" said Ross quickly. "I'm not going to… I just – I just wanted to tell you that – that… I know."

Rachel looked confused, "Huh?"

Ross sighed, "I _know_ Rachel."

"Know…?"

Ross nodded, "I know."

Rachel shook her head, "Okay, you're gonna have to help me out here Ross."

Ross sighed again, "Rachel, I know we're going to have another baby."

"What!?" Rachel looked shocked.

Ross looked amazed as he realised she didn't have a clue what he was talking about, "We're… _not_ going to have another baby?"

Rachel looked down at her stomach in alarm, "Not unless I peed on a stick in my sleep Ross."

"But – but if that wasn't your test then who the hell did that test belong to!?"

……………………………………………………

She stood with her back against the bathroom door, holding her stomach protectively. She breathed in deeply as she thought of what was to come in less than nine months time. The thought of a new baby filled her with happiness. She remembered the fear of taking the test – fear of it being negative – and how happy she'd been when she'd read the result. If only it were as easy to tell the father.

But the time would come for that soon enough. Until then Monica laid her hand protectively over her small bump – her little miracle, and thanked God for delivering her, not now just two, but three babies, one of which was growing steadily in her stomach.

**Ending Credits**

The following morning Rachel was just coming from her and Ross' room when she heard Jill on the phone. She was just about to go through to the kitchen for breakfast when Jill's conversation caught her ears.

"Yeah," Jill was saying. "I'm moving in with him this weekend… Well I told you didn't I, I told you he'd be a movie star … yeah, I know it's soon, huh? … If he's this quick at proposing I should be taking him for all the cash he makes by next year" Jill laughed slyly, that made a shocked Rachel know she wasn't joking, and certainly didn't feel the same way about their relationship as Joey did.

………………………………………………….

AN: It got a little more dramatic than I intended by the end there, but there you go. May not update due to exams, depends on my schedule.


	10. TO Without the fun

**The One Without The Fun**

AN: Thanks for the reviews. Here's number ten; don't let the title put you off, somewhere between revision and college I managed this, though I still don't know how. Sorry if it's more dramatic toward the end, it had to be. Lobster fans may hate this, but remember in a story with every complication, later comes resolution.

………………………………….. – means change scene and/or time-lapse

… - Just change scene

…………………………………..

Rachel was pacing the floor of her and Ross' apartment, thoughts of what she had heard racing through her mind, when Ross walked in from the bedroom. She was relieved to see him finally up, "Ross! Thank God, you're finally up. Just so you know, Jill is going home!"

Ross frowned, wearing boxers and still sleepy, "Huh?"

"Jill is leaving, and Joey is… well, they're gonna have to break up!" Rachel exclaimed.

"What? I thought you were okay with them dating," Ross said reasonably, walking over to Rachel.

Rachel sighed and let herself fall into his arms, "I am but… Ross I heard Jill on the phone… she's just dating him because he's a famous actor."

Ross held Rachel slightly away from himself and stared into her face, "What? Are you serious?"

Rachel nodded sadly, "And he's in love with her."

Ross' fist clenched, "That bitch!"

"I know."

Ross looked at Rachel, "You know, your sisters are horrible."

Again Rachel nodded, "I know!"

**Starting Credits**

Later that day Phoebe and Monica were out in the city Christmas shopping. They passed a baby store - Monica's hand ran towards her belly and she smiled inside.

"Come on," said Phoebe, several meters ahead. "I told Mike I'd get him something really surprising."

Monica jogged and became level with Phoebe, "Oh yeah, what you getting him?"

"I was thinking maybe some fishing stuff."

"Really? Mike likes to fish?" Monica asked.

Phoebe frowned at Monica, "No."

"Oh, then… what he do to hurt you?"

"Nothing, but if I get him something he likes then it won't be a surprise will it? Duh," Phoebe said as if were the most obvious thing in the world. "Anyway he'll get the hang of it."

Monica gave a smile, "Right."

……………………………………

Some time later, after all their Christmas shopping Monica and Phoebe brought their bags into central perk and got themselves some coffee. "So," said Phoebe, as they settled down at a table by the door (their usual orange couch place was occupied). "How are things with you?"

Monica shrugged, "Okay I guess."

Phoebe nodded, "Right, of course…" she took a sip from her coffee. "So seriously, what's up?"

Monica gave a small laugh, "Phoebe, nothing's up."

"Oh, come on, you've been acting weird for ages now."

"No I haven't!"

"Yes you have! Chandler has eyes you know."

Monica eyes widened, "Chandler? Chandler asked you to ask me?" Phoebe's eyes fell to the floor, "Phoebe! Did he?"

Phoebe shrugged, "Maybe he asked favour…"

Monica sighed, "Why? There's nothing wrong."

"Well how are we supposed to know? You've been so weird and secretive and stuff lately… we're all worried about you."

Monica looked down at the table, "You don't need to be, believe me, everything's fine. In fact, everything's better than fine, it's great."

Phoebe shrugged, "Okay, if you're sure."

Monica nodded stubbornly, "I am sure."

"Well okay, hurry up and drink your coffee then, I wanna get Ross a golf kit before the store closes."

"Ross hates golf."

"Christmas must be surprising Mon."

……………………

Chandler was in the kitchen, reading the newspaper at the kitchen table when Monica and Phoebe entered, having hidden their presents in a near by closet. Joey and Jill were in the living room kissing on the sofa. Chandler smiled at the two ladies when they entered, "Hey, have fun?"

Monica nodded, "Yeah, your spy was a real good friend, wish I could say you were such a great husband."

"Ah…" Chandler looked sheepish.

"Yes," Monica said walking up to him and giving him small smile to let him know she was okay. "I'm fine, okay? Just talk next time, you don't need to send out spies to get the information."

Phoebe shrieked, "I would make a **great ** spy!"

"Oh and Chandler," Monica added. "Doesn't Joey have anywhere else to kiss his girlfriend?"

"Well they aren't moving in to Joey's old place until tomorrow and they lost their key to Ross' so I said…" Monica gave him a look. "Yeah, I just shouldn't have said anything, should I?"

Monica smiled. Just then a noise of slamming doors could be heard from behind the closed door into the living room. "What was that?" asked Monica.

Chandler shook his head, "I don't know." The three of them went over and pressed their ears up against the door.

…

Joey and Jill were interrupted from their innocent cuddling on the sofa when the front door opened and banged shut again as Ross and Rachel entered.

"Hi Rach -" began Jill.

"Oh, don't you talk to me! Joey – can I see you please, outside?" Rachel insisted, looking angry.

"Uh, sure," said a confused Joey. He and Rachel went outside out the front door, leaving Ross and Jill in the living room. Rachel led Joey around the back of the house. "What's this about Rach?" asked Joey.

…

Inside the kitchen after hearing all from the door Chandler hissed, "To the window people, the window!" They went over to the kitchen window where they could see outside into the back garden where Rachel and Joey were stood with a tree to their left.

…

Joey frowned at Rachel who was steadily looking at Joey with sad eyes, "Rachel…" he muttered.

"Joey," she started and Joey stepped back a little, it was the same tone used when she had turned him down when he had told he was in love with her. "Joey – I – I need to tell you something about Jill… how, um, how's it going with her?"

Joey tried a smile, "Really good," he admitted. "I love her, Rach your sister's amazing, she -"

"Okay, okay enough of that!" Rachel quickly stopped him. "Um Joey, I don't think she really wants… what you want."

"What're you mean?"

"Well, I kind of get feeling she just… Jill's not the kinda girl who sticks to one guy."

"What?" Joey brow furred.

"Joey, she… she doesn't love you."

Joey stepped back, "Well, no I mean maybe not now, but come on, she will. Anyway I thought you were okay with us!"

"I am – I was," Rachel said, slightly startled by Joey's raised voice.

"Then why do you wanna break us up?" Joey said loudly.

"I don't…" Rachel insisted.

Joey simply snorted, "Yeah, and what's this then? Why can't I be happy, even if it is with your sister? I mean for God's sake Rach it's, it's not like I'm dating your _grandmother_ or something!"

"No, Joey listen to me -"

"No Rachel! Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go see my girlfriend!" Joey began to head off back to the house.

"She's using you!" Rachel yelled. Joey turned around and shook his head but Rachel ran up to face him, "She's using you Joey, I heard her… on the phone saying she was doing it for the money."

Joey look disbelieving, he shook his head and headed back inside the house. Rachel was quick to follow him. He entered and went over to Jill.

…

The three inside the kitchen, seeing this, headed back to listen at the door. "I can't believe this," whispered Monica. "Jill's using Joey."

"I know!" exclaimed Phoebe. "I mean, oh that slimy, sludgy… **person** !"

"Wait a minute," said Chandler. "How do we know Rachel isn't lying?"

"Why would she lie?" asked Monica.

"I don't know…"

…

Once inside, Joey went over to Jill, "Come on baby let's go somewhere else."

"What? No, Joey please I'm telling the truth, my sister is just a bitch -"

"Hey!" said Jill.

"Please Joey… Ross, tell him!"

Ross, who had been staring out of the window in a daze, looked up and nodded, "She's right Joey, she heard Jill on the phone -"

"I don't wanna hear it!" Joey exclaimed. "Come on, Jill lets go." He and Jill headed towards the door.

"No," Rachel grabbed Jill's shoulder. "Jill please, tell Joey the truth!"

Jill gave Rachel an expressionless look, "Okay." she turned to Joey, "Joey Tribianni, I love you."

Joey's face fell into a grin, "You do?"

Jill smiled broadly as she looked at Joey chest, "With all my heart."

Joey grinned wildly, "I love you too." He hugged her, "Yes!"

"No!" Rachel yelled. "Ross, do something!"

Ross went over and grabbed Joey's arm, "Joey, look please, we're – we're your friends and we're not lying! We don't want to see get hurt, and she will hurt you. I'm sorry Joey."

Joey shook his head. He turned from Jill to Ross and Rachel and back again, not knowing whom to believe. "This – I uh – I – can't –" Joey struggled. He pointed wildly at Jill, "I love her!" Jill's eyes fell to the floor.

Rachel shook her head sadly, "Joey… please…"

Joey looked around at the three, he didn't know who, or what, to believe…

…

Monica, Chandler and Phoebe were still in the kitchen, their heads pressed against the door, shock planted on their faces on what they were hearing. Then Phoebe heard a car outside the window. She went over to the window where she saw Mike getting out of his car. Quickly she went over to the kitchen door and hissed at him to come in this way.

He frowned and went over to her, "What's going on?"

"The living room's occupied," Phoebe told him.

Mike nodded as Monica noticed something on the kitchen table, "Isn't that Jill's cell?" she went over and picked it up. "Oh my God look at these texts!"

"You can't read her text messages!" Chandler exclaimed.

"Oh, well my fingers slipped!" Monica said loudly. She went to the phone, "Look at this – 'He bought me a necklace today, so expensive, he's so naïve.' 'He's in love with me, I'll be married the end of this year, divorced and rich by next year.'"

"Oh my God…" muttered Chandler.

"I know, Rachel's right…" Monica shook her head. "Chandler, what's going on now?" she asked Chandler who was by the door.

Chandler shrugged, "I don't know, I was listening to you drone on."

"Oh." Monica, Phoebe and Mike went to the door and leaned their heads against, listening for more.

….

Having a vital decision Joey was now sat on the couch, staring at the wall opposite in total shock and anger. He heard Jill get her coat and felt her eyes upon him from the door. Ross and Rachel had left.

"Look Joe," he heard Jill say. "I know you're gonna make a girl real happy okay, and…" she shrugged. "For what it's worth I'm… sorry."

Joey said nothing and she left, leaving him on the sofa.

……………………………….

Ross and Rachel got to the apartment and Rachel collapsed onto the couch with a sigh as Ross sat silently next to her. Rachel frowned slightly, "Do you think we should have stayed, make sure he's okay?"

"He just needs space now," said Ross quietly.

"Yeah I guess. Poor Joey, God all that was so awful, wasn't it?" Rachel asked but Ross was silent "Do you think Joey will be okay?" Rachel asked. Ross didn't say anything, he stared into space, clearly in thought. "I was thinking of going through Jill's stuff now, so we can get her out of here as soon as possible. What're you think?" Ross said nothing though, "Ross? …Ross!?"

Ross looked up startled, "Huh?"

"Hmm, I wonder if talking to this lamp will give me better answers."

"What?" Ross looked confused.

"What's with you, you're totally zoned out today?" Rachel said, shaking her head.

"Oh, I uh, I guess I'm just thinking…"

"About?"

"Stuff…"

Rachel nodded, "Oh yeah, 'stuff', there's a look into your mind."

Ross looked at her slightly annoyed, "I was thinking about us."

"Oh, well what about us?" Rachel frowned.

Ross looked up at her and swallowed, "I have to tell you something."

Rachel was beginning to worry slightly, "What?"

Ross took a deep breath and just said it; "Marry me."

Rachel bit her lip, "Ross…"

"No, I know, I know, you don't think you want to, but please hear me out. I love you, I don't ever want to be with anyone else. I would never ever divorce you again. Please Rachel…"

Rachel shook her head, "Ross…"

"Rach, come on, it makes sense…"

"Ross… no…" Rachel put her head in her hands.

Ross now began to get angry, "Well, what's the point of being together if it can't end up anywhere!?"

Rachel felt tears in her eyes as he got angry and stood up, "Ross…"

"No! No, stop 'Ross-ing' me! I want to marry you! I _have_ to marry you!"

"No, Ross! No, I can't… I just can't."

Ross sat back on the couch deflated, he shook his head sadly, "I can't. I can't be in a relationship I know is going no where."

Rachel was crying, her hand on her mouth in horror as the tears broke, "What are you saying?" she choked.

Ross just looked at her and shook his head. His face was also wet with tears as he shook his head. It was over. His look told her, he couldn't do it anymore.

**Ending Credits**

Monica was in the living room of her and Chandler's house. Joey had just left and she was just watching TV when Chandler entered. "Uh, hon why is there a fishing kit in the closet?"

"That's mike's surprising Christmas present from Phoebe."

"But I'm sure Mike once told me he hated fishing."

"Yeah, that's the surprise," Monica said. Chandler looked puzzled. "I never said it was a good surprise. What were you doing in the closet anyway?"

"Oh, I uh…" Chandler looked sheepish.

"Chandler, do you really think I'd hide presents in the closet?"

"Heh," Chandler nodded. "Yeah that didn't seem like you."

………..

Reviews please, sorry it took so long to get up.


	11. TOW the plan

The One With The Plan

**The One With The Plan**

AN: Here it is, sorry it's shorter than all my other chapters but it has to be. The story line is shorter than I thought and I wanted to add another chapter before my exams officially begun (they will on Monday). Anyway enjoy, there's more humour in this one now I think. No angst.

Oh yeah, and **Boris Yeltsin ** if you can still remember, can you send me those character profiles on that guy, Nick. I may use him in the next chapter if that's okay. If you don't remember all are busy or whatever it doesn't matter, thanks.

……………………..

Monica, Chandler and Phoebe were sat in the coffee house drinking coffee when Ross entered looking crestfallen. "Hi."

"What's with you? You look like you just found out dinosaurs never existed or something," Chandler said. Monica and Phoebe looked at him. "Or something else that's funny."

Ross sat down on the central Perk couch as Monica asked, "What's wrong?"

Ross put his hand through his hair and stared at the coffee table, "Oh nothing, you know everything's just great. You know it's cloudy and grey, and I just had a bad day at work… Oh yeah and me and Rachel broke up yesterday."

"What?" Monica said, devastated. "Why? What did she do?"

"Nothing, it was me, I uh, I just couldn't do it anymore…"

"What? Why? What did _you do_ ?" Monica repeated.

Ross shook his head, "She doesn't want to get married. I can't be in a relationship that's going no where."

"So!?" Phoebe was incredulous. "For God sakes just divorce someone else, get it out your system and focus on your relationship with Rachel!"

Ross shook his head, "This isn't about getting marriage out of my system –"

"No, it's about getting divorce out your system," muttered Phoebe.

"– it's about not being able to marry the woman I love," continued Ross as if he hadn't heard Phoebe.

"Exactly," insisted Chandler. "You _love her_ ! You can't loose her again!"

Ross shook his head, "I can't deal with this right now." He headed to the bathroom leaving the rest to talk about him.

Starting Credits

"Can you believe this?" said Chandler.

"I know!" exclaimed Phoebe. "What is he thinking?"

"He's not," said Monica simply. "I can't believe he's ruining this. He clearly doesn't understand what he's lost."

Suddenly a smile came across Phoebe's face, "That's right!" The others frowned at Phoebe. "Well, he doesn't understand what he's lost, so how about we show him."

Chandler frowned, "So your gonna… _show_ him Rachel."

"No, we can come up with a plan to make him see how totally horrible and awful life without her is!" Phoebe insisted.

"Oh," Monica nodded knowingly. "Yeah! We'll make his life **miserable** !" she exclaimed, waving her hand dramatically. "He'll wish he'd never split with Rachel!"

"Yeah!" Phoebe said.

Chandler nodded, "Yeah, we'll tear his life apart so he'll wish he was with his girlfriend! How much of the greatest friends are we!"

……………………………………..

Joey was at Ross and Rachel's flicking mindlessly through the channels as he wallowed in grief over his lost love. Just then Rachel came in from her bedroom looking as if she'd been crying all night, Joey switched off the TV as she sat down, "Hey… Ross told me. How you doing?" Rachel simply groaned and he nodded, "Well, if it's any consolation I know exactly how you feel."

Rachel nodded, turning to Joey, "I know." She sighed miserably, "God, this sucks."

"Tell me about it," Joey stared in front of him. "What're you wanna do?"

"I'm thinking… stay in sweats and watch some romances all day?" Rachel turned to Joey.

Joey thought about it, then shrugged, "Throw in some pizza and why not."

"Great," Rachel stood up and went over to the TV. "What do you reckon… Moulin Rouge? Titanic?"

"Oh, not titanic…" Joey muttered and Rachel looked at him. "Yeah, uh, I hear it's bad…"

"Really? And this has nothing to do with you crying every time you watch it?" Rachel asked with a wry smile. Joey muttered something unaudiable and Rachel nodded firmly, "Thought as much."

……………………………

Phoebe ran into the coffee house where Chandler and Monica were sat. "You guys! You guys! Operation make Ross miserable is a go, tonight at six at Alesandros. Me, mike, you guys and Ross on a table for five."

Chandler frowned slightly, "Really? We're gonna make him miserable by… dining him?"

Phoebe sighed, "No, you don't understand. We'll be in couples. Ross won't have anyone! He doesn't have Rachel so he'll be **totally** left out!"

Monica said excitedly, "Oh, that's right! He is gonna be _so_ sad!"

"I know," said Phoebe. "But remember, we've got to be _affectionate_ couples and all, like, all over each other."

Monica nodded, "Right, you here that Chandler? **All over each other!** "

Chandler smiled oddly, "You know, this isn't a competition."

Phoebe smirked at the both of them, "It's certainly not a close one. Oh, and remember be sexy couples, say sexy stuff. You know, if he doesn't miss Rachel, he'll miss that, 'cause you know, it's Ross, he won't get any for a while."

………………………………..

That evening at sometime after six, Monica, Chandler, Phoebe, Mike and Ross were sat at a table in Alesandros eating their starters. Phoebe, out of the blue, turned to Mike and said in a sexy but quite loud voice, "God, you know, I wanna get that soup, pour it on you, and lick it all off again." Then she peeped at Ross and said even louder, "You hear that? **Lick it all off!** "

"That's kay Phoebes, I think the whole building got that," Ross assured her.

Monica, catching on, quickly turned to Chandler, "That sounds good Chandler, maybe we should do that!"

"That's great sis, just say it louder," said Ross, visibly annoyed.

Phoebe turned to Mike, "Go to the bathroom."

Mike frowned, "What?"

"The bathroom! The bathroom!" said Phoebe loudly. Mike did as he was told and quickly left for the bathroom. "Oh look at that, mike's gone to the bathroom," said Phoebe as if she had just noticed. "Excuse me, I need to spend some time with my _lover_ ."

When she had left Monica's hand went under the table, immediately after Chandler let out a small squeak, "Ah-ah, and that's my crotch!"

Monica smiled, "Like that?"

Ross sighed, clearly disgusted. He stood up, "You know what guys, dinner's been great but I think I'm gonna take off."

"But we haven't eaten the main course yet," said Chandler.

"Yeah, I know but I had lunch, and now this soup, you know it's like whoa…" he grabbed his coat and left without saying another word.

…………………………………

Rachel and Joey were sat watching Titanic when Joey turned to Rachel, then after some hesitation he sighed, "Rach?"

"Hmm?" Rachel said, staring at the TV.

"What did you and Ross break up for?" he asked.

Rachel sighed, "Joey please, I really don't wanna talk about this right now."

"Rach c'mon, is it 'cause you didn't wanna get married?"

Rachel breathed deeply, "If you must know… yes, he broke up with me because… I don't want to get married."

Joey sighed and put his arm around his teary friend, "Why?"

"What?"

"Why don't you want to marry him?"

Rachel shook her head desperately, "Because…"

Joey raised his eyebrows, "Do you even remember the reason?"

She looked at him sharply, "Yes. He's been divorced so many times Joe, what if we broke up when we were married? break up is all we seemed to do Joey!"

"Well it is if you think like that."

Rachel shook her head, "I just… I couldn't do it to Emma… to him, to myself. I just can't."

Joey nodded, "I understand, but you two have never been married – not properly with husband and wife stuff – how do you know it won't work out?"

Rachel shrugs, "I don't… but I'm too scared to take the risk." Joey nodded and the turned back to titanic where a particularly depressing scene was being shown. Rachel sighed dramatically, "God, this movie was a mistake!"

Joey nodded quickly, "I told ya!"

…………………………………………………

Mike and Phoebe came back from the bathroom and to Phoebe's disappointment, Ross was gone. "Where's Ross?" she asked.

"He left," replied Monica. "I guess we got him so miserable he couldn't stick around. I bet he's gone crying to Rachel right now!"

"We?" Phoebe laughed. "Heh, me and Mike did all the work. You two could have been strangers for all Ross cared."

"Excuse me! You did all the work by going to the bathroom?" Monica smirked. "Oh yeah, 'Hey Ross, we checked out the bathroom tiles, how loved up are we!'" she said sarcastically.

"Ha!" Phoebe barked.

Monica exclaimed, "He probably thought you had a stomach bug or something!"

"No!" Phoebe insisted. "You could so, totally, tell!"

"Na ah!"

"Uh huh!"

Mike turned to Chandler and said quietly, "What are they talking about?"

"Making Ross miserable," Chandler replied. "Didn't Phoebe tell you that's why we are all over each other?"

Mike shook his head, "No, I just thought I was getting really lucky."

……………………………………….

Ross entered his apartment to find Joey and Rachel watching TV on the couch."Hi," he said.

"Hi," Rachel said quietly, she looked quickly back at the TV and felt her face grow hot.

"Um, hey Ross," said Joey. He bit his lip and looked in between the two of them. Ross didn't move from the doorway.

Suddenly Rachel stood up, "Well, I gotta go to my room, you know it's getting late, whoa, eight o'clock already." She went into her bedroom (Jill's old room)

Ross gave a heavy sigh and sat next to Joey, "Well, that was awkward."

Joey shook his head sadly, "Man, what are you doing?"

Ross started, "What?"

"Breaking up with Rachel…" Joey sighed. "She's totally bummed."

Ross looked away, "Joey, c'mon, I just… I couldn't be in a go nowhere relationship… even with Rachel."

"Ross, you can be in a relationship and not get married. I hear lots of people do it, hell I do it all the time!" Joey said. "Or I did before Jill anyway…"

Ross gave a gentle smile, "Joey, don't… I'm not one of those people."

Ending Credits

Monica and Chandler got home from the restaurant that evening. "We're still romantic together, right Chandler?" Monica asked her husband.

"Oh absolutely," Chandler insisted, sitting down on their couch. "Phoebe doesn't know what she's taking about. Mike once told me she's terrible in bed."

"Really?"

"No, no he didn't say that. But did it cheer you up?"

Monica just smiled at her husband.

………………………………………..

AN: I just realised I've mentioned nothing of Monica's pregnancy in here, so I'll just say now: she's still pregnant but hasn't told Chandler yet. Reviews are nice, pretty please!!


	12. TOW or without the moving

**The One With or Without The Moving**

AN: Sorry for the delay, I had exams, then my computer broke… anyway, it's here now… Oh and yes, the title is a little pun on _With or Without You by U2,_ which I don't own by the way_._

………………………………..

Chandler arrived home after a long day at work and smiled at Monica as he entered the living room, "Hey hon."

"Hey," said Monica. She watched him go to the twins crib and look down at them sleeping.

"Hey babies," he said. He grinned and at once Jack began to cry. "Oh, hey what's up little man." He picked up Jack.

Monica gave a deep breath, "Uh, Chandler can you come and sit down. I kinda need to talk to you about something." She held her belly tight.

"Sure," said Chandler, but he wasn't really listening. He just bounced Jack up and down. But jack continued to cry. "You know hon, I don't think Jacky likes me today." He gave a smile. As Jack's cries got a little louder Erika started to cry too. "Ah man. What's up with you Angel, huh?" he lifted Erika up as well, one baby in each arm. "Hey, it's lucky we only have the two, huh?" he laughed.

Monica smiled, "Yeah two… not three."

"Huh?"

"Or one." Monica looked around anxiously. "You know what, I think the chicken's done." She left for the kitchen leaving Chandler frowning after her.

**Starting Credits**

Chandler and Rachel were helping Joey move back into his old apartment. Chandler carried a heavy box into the apartment, gasping. "What the hell is in here Joey? It weighs like a tonne of bricks." He dropped it in the kitchen."

"Just a few magazines," replied Joey as he took a few boxes of pillows in.

"Magazines?" Chandler stared at him. "Porno magazines?"

Joey stared at back at him, "What's your point?"

Rachel came in slightly after carrying a phone and placing it on the kitchen work surface. Chandler sighed, "Am I gonna be the one carrying all the heavy stuff?"

"What you talking about?" Joey said. "I just carried a load of boxes up!"

"Yes, all of which marked either pillows or sheet covers," Chandler said.

Joey just shrugged and at that moment Ross walked in with a box in hand. "Sorry I'm late." Rachel caught sight of him immediately and their eyes locked. They stared at each other for a moment; neither knew the other would be there. "Hi," said Ross quietly.

"Hi," replied Rachel.

Joey and Chandler glanced at one another; the air around had suddenly gotten very awkward; there was a lot of tension. Ross walked over to the other two men, "Um, where do you want this?"

Joey pointed to the living room then muttered to Chandler, "Do you also feel like you wanna yell at them to get together?"

"Yeah," Chandler muttered back. "But it's probably better we don't."

Rachel cleared her throat, "Um, I'm gonna go get some more of your stuff, okay Joe?"

Joey nodded, "Sure." When she left the tension had gone and Ross let out a huge sigh.

"God," said Chandler. "Talk about your awkward moments."

Ross nodded, "I know, I know. I don't know what to do."

"I guess you just need time."

"Yeah… it's just… it's been like this for over a week now. We're living together yet it's so hard…" Ross leaned back against the kitchen surface and shook his head. "I just wish things could go back to normal… whatever that is," he said thinking of him and Rachel as friends and then of them as dating.

"Come on Ross, don't worry about it," said Joey. "You know what might help?"

"What?"

"Helping me unpack some of this stuff," replied Joey, opening one of the boxes.

Just then there was a knock at the door. The men stared at each other; everyone Joey knew wouldn't knock before entering. Joey went over and opened the door. A man of average height and dark hair was stood there, "Hi, uh I'm Nick, I live across the hall. I just wanted to welcome you to the building."

"Oh," Joey was surprised. "Well, thanks man. I actually lived here a couple of months ago. You, uh, live across the hall, did you say?"

"That's right, with my wife Dana. We moved in a few weeks ago. So anyway, it's good to see you. I'd better get back."

"Oh, okay, thanks again Nick," he shut the door. "Someone got your place man." He looked a little down.

"You alright?" asked Chandler. "Did you not like him?"

"No, no he seems okay, I just…." He looked at Chandler for a moment. "Ah, it doesn't matter."

"No, what?" persisted Chandler. "What?"

Joey shook his head, "You know what? I think I left some pillows back at the other apartment."

"What? But Joe -" Chandler began but Joey was already out the door. Chandler looked back at Ross, "What do you think that was about?" Ross didn't seem to be paying attention though. Chandler frowned, "Ross? … Ross!?"

Ross looked up sharply, "Huh?"

"Are you still thinking about Rachel?"

Ross shrugged.

Chandler sighed, "God man, just talk to her!"

"I can't."

"You're miserable! Just say you don't mind not getting married! Then you can get back together."

"No! I can't."

"Why, because you're too stubborn to realise what you're missing out on? At least think about it."

"Chandler…"

"Come on man, just do it. Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it!"

"Okay, okay," said Ross. "I'll think about it."

………………………………………………….

Joey was at his apartment a little later. Boxes littered the floor; it wasn't quite ready but it was getting there. It almost looked like home again. He settled himself in front of the TV with a beer when Phoebe walked in, "Hey!"

"Hi," said Joey, spinning around on the chair to greet her.

"Wow, nice boxes," she said. Joey tried a smile, but it didn't really feel like much. Phoebe frowned, "Hey, you okay?"

Joey shrugged, "I dunno. Just been thinking about stuff."

"What stuff?"

"Jill…"

Phoebe sighed, "Oh Joe, I'm sorry." She sat on one of the stools. "It'll get better."

Joey shrugged, "I guess. What you been doing today?"

"Well, me and Mike have been thinking up names."

"Really, got any good ones?"

"No really," said Phoebe honestly. "Mike suggested Damian like our child is some kinda satan's minion."

Joey smiled, "Well, at least you have a baby to name. They'll be no Joey jr's at this rate, that's for sure."

"Oh, don't say that," said Phoebe. Joey shrugged miserably. Then an idea struck her, "Maybe there will."

"Huh?" Joey looked up at her.

"I was thinking, maybe I'll name my baby Joe."

Joey frowned, "But… that's my name."

Phoebe nodded, "Ya huh."

Joey's eyes went wide, "Really?"

"Yeah," Phoebe grinned. "I can't think of anything better."

……………………………………

Chandler got home that afternoon after helping Joey move and kissed his wife in greeting before sitting back on the couch and picking up a newspaper.

"Uh, honey," began Monica as she sat next to him. "Um, I need to talk to you about something."

"Okay, what's up?" Chandler said, looking at his wife as he set down the paper.

"Um okay, well… this is kinda big, but…."

"You're leaving me?" Chandler looked terrified.

Monica laughed, "No, no, not that kind of big."

He relaxed considerably and gave a smile, "What is it then?"

"Um," Monica stared at Chandler. Here it goes, she thought to herself. "Well… okay, here it is. I –" Right then though she was interrupted by Phoebe walking in.

"Hey guys!"

"Son of a bitch!" Monica hissed.

…………………………

Ross got home that afternoon to find Rachel asleep on the couch. He stared at her sleeping for a moment; so peaceful and beautiful. That's when he made up his mind. His choice was made. Taking a breath, he sat at the end of the couch and decided to wait for her to wake up.

Rachel groaned softly and raised her head. She was quite shocked when she saw Ross sitting there, reading one of his dinosaur magazines. She cleared her throat and sat up, "Hey."

"Hi, Rach, you're up," Ross said.

"Hi Ross," she looked down nervously.

"Rachel, um, I've been thinking about…. You know, stuff…" began Ross.

"What kinda stuff?" Rachel asked.

"Well, uh… just us, you know. I mean it's been kind of awkward lately, so I was just thinking…"

"Oh, actually I've been, uh, thinking a little about that too," Rachel put in.

"Oh yeah?" Ross questioned.

"Well, um… I was thinking maybe it would be better if, uh… I moved out."

Ross stared at her, "What?"

"Well, I think it's just gonna be too hard if we're around each other like this you know… maybe it'd be better."

Ross stared at her; she had taken him totally by surprise. It wasn't what he expected or wanted. But he couldn't say that now. He couldn't tell her how he wanted to get back together and he didn't care if they got married or not. He couldn't tell her how much he loved her and wanted to live together even if it meant not marrying. He couldn't tell her how much he loved her… because now he knew she wanted out, she couldn't even live with him anymore. He looked down at the floor. "Right."

Rachel frowned, "I'm sorry Ross. I think it's best. Otherwise it might… you know. What if we start to argue or the awkward stuff gets worse… think of what that would do to Emma." She wiped a tear from her eye as she watched his venerable face.

Ross gave a nod. "No, it's fine… it's…" he looked at her. "It's better. And we'll… we'll be fine."

Rachel nodded, "Absolutely."

Ross looked down at the floor, "So um, who's, uh, going where?"

"Oh, don't I'll move. I mean think I can move back in with Joey or… you know." They stared at each other for moment and as their eyes locked they both felt a lump in their throat.

Just then Emma began crying from the next room. "Um, I'll get that," said Ross, leaving quickly.

……………………………………

Chandler came home from work the next day and strolled into the living room where Monica greeted him by pulling onto the sofa quickly, "Get here."

"Whoa, hey what's up? Mon!" exclaimed Chandler as she sat him down and grabbed hold of his hands.

"Chandler, I've been meaning to tell you for a while and think I should just get it out, you know otherwise I never will and it'll just drive me crazy!" said Monica in a rush.

"Uh, okay." Chandler waited patiently as Monica took a deep breath.

She stared at him for a moment, "I'm pregnant."

She bit her lip, as Chandler's eyes wennt wide in disbelief and his lips made a perfect o shape.

**Ending Credits**

Mike entered Joey's apartment to find Phoebe and Joey in there. He grinned at them, "Phoebes, I've been looking for you."

Phoebe grinned and got up to give him kiss, "Guess what?"

"What?"

"We're naming the baby Joe!"

Mike raised his eyebrows, "We are?" Phoebe then gave him a look and he quickly nodded, "We are!"

She grinned, "Yeah, after Joey!"

Mike gave a slow nod, "After Joey? Never have guessed."

…………………………………..

AN: Review pretty please with a cherry on top lol. I know, I'm the worst writer for RnR ever! Lol. Will the lobster angst ever end? Hmm, possibly...


	13. TOW Jill's bracelet

**The One With Jill's Bracelet**

AN: Hi, sorry long time no see, huh? Well, in my defensive this is a very long (or longer than the rest) chapter. Oh, there's less RnR in this chap, I really needed to give them a break.

So, to sum up – RnR have broken up. Monica just told Chandler she's pregnant. Phoebe and Mike are pregnant. And Joey recently split up with Jill.

……………………

Chandler's face was one of utter shock as he stared at his wife in amazement. He opened and closed his mouth several times before somehow managing to stutter, "P – pregnant? …Y – you?"

Monica bit her lip as her brow furred. She tried a smile and nodded, "That, uh, pregnancy test you found before the thanksgiving… it was mine."

"B – but that's impossible… we can't… have children."

Monica eyed Chandler nervously, "It was a long shot. No one said it was impossible though."

"But, the… the twins -"

"- will be loved just as much as this or any other child we may conceive," said Monica quickly.

Chandler ran his hand through his hair in amazement, "Oh my God."

"I know, it's amazing isn't it?" Monica looked on at Chandler nervously but smiled fully. "Another child…"

Chandler grinned at her, "It's incredible."

"I thought it was gone forever, but… wow." They stood up excitedly. "Oh my God, we have to tell everybody!"

"Now?"

"When else?" Monica said with frown. Chandler shrugged and followed.

**Starting Credits**

In Central Perk Joey, Rachel, Phoebe and Ross were drinking coffee. "So Rachel," began Ross uncertain. "How's life at Joey's?"

"Pretty good," replied Rachel as Joey smiled beside her.

"And Emma's okay? I mean, Joey you're not… having bringing women home while she's around are you?"

"Hey, would you really put that across me?" Joey said defensive. They all simply looked at him. He shrugged, "Well I haven't."

Ross shrugged as Chandler entered. "Hey!" they chorused.

"Hi -" began Chandler.

"Did you tell them?! Did you tell them?!" Monica interrupted, barging into Central Perk.

Rachel frowned, "Tell us what?"

"Did you?!" Monica demanded of Chandler.

Chandler raised his eyebrows and said in a sarcastic voice, "Why yes, they're all in the know. Why listen to their knowing questions and look at their ecstatic faces."

Monica gave him a filthy look as Phoebe said impatiently, "What? Tell us what?!"

Monica looked at them all and grinned, "I'm pregnant."

They all stood up in shock, with words of 'wow' and 'oh my God' flown at Monica and Chandler as they stood beaming. Monica took the words and felt them filling her up as she nodded, "Uh huh!"

"Oh Monica!" said Phoebe suddenly. "We can be like pregnancy buddies!"

Monica nodded, slightly scared, "Yeah…"

"But," Ross frowned as he hugged his little sister. "I thought… I thought you two couldn't…"

"Well," said Chandler smiling. "The doctor said there's a high chance we couldn't, but he didn't say there was no chance."

"This is going to be so great!" gushed Monica. "We gotta get organised though Chandler, we gotta get new crib, new toys… Oh! Do you think the new baby should share with the twins or not? We'll have to think about that… come on Chandler! I know this great little baby place just a few blocks away." She left Central Perk quickly, leaving Chandler staring after her.

He looked at the others, "Yeah if I don't come back, I'm gone forever."

………………………..

Later that day Joey was babysitting Emma while Rachel was out. He was feeding Emma some squirty cream, something Rachel would never approve of, but then Rachel wasn't there… It wasn't long though, before the can was empty. Joey frowned as he got the last few drops out and let Emma lick his fingers eagerly, laughing at how much she loved the stuff. "Well, that's it Emma. How about we watch a movie now, huh?"

Emma said nothing but simply grinned up at Joey, nodding ferociously. He smiled and looked around the living room for the DVD he'd seen Emma watching the other day. Failing to find it there though he sighed and headed for Rachel's room. "Stay there," he said quickly to Emma as he left.

Rachel's room had a couple of large suitcases Rachel had still failed to unpack. Joey was just about to look on Rachel cabinet when he noticed something silver in one of the suitcases. Frowning he went to pick it up. He gasped slightly when he realised what it was.

Rachel arrived back and frowned when she saw her daughter alone at the kitchen. "Joey?" she questioned. She went into her room with Emma on her hip. Hearing her, Joey quickly shoved the silver bracelet in his pocket. "What are doing in my room?" Rachel frowned.

"Oh, I was just looking for the movie Emma was watching the other day."

"Oh, okay," she went back into the living room and called, "Emma been okay?"

"Yeah," Joey replied making sure the jewellery was firmly in his pocket and following her.

He found her frowning as she stared at Emma. "Joey… did you feed Emma squirty cream?"

………………………..

Chandler sighed heavily as he and Monica got back home, loaded with baby things. Chandler headed up the stairs loaded with boxes and bags, "Well I'm gonna put all this stuff upstairs, which should only take about a million years."

Monica rolled her eyes and continued into the living room where her parents were babysitting the twins. "Hey," she chimed. "How were they?"

Jack smiled, "Like angels. So where have you been?"

"Um, well…" Monica smiled. "I actually have something to tell you both… I'm pregnant."

"What?" Jack looked amazed. "Oh harmonica, that's brilliant."

"I know!" Monica grinned.

"Oh, gosh," Judy looked shocked. "Three babies now? That really is incredible?"

Monica frowned slightly, "It is?"

"Of course! I mean I do hate to say it -"

"– I'll bet -" muttered Monica quietly.

"- but, I think you'll agree it's been tough enough raising the twins… I mean, how will you manage three children? It is a lot."

Monica struggled, "Um, no, no it's not. Coz', you know, of all the numbers in the world, three: it's not really that many. I mean, it's not like it's a million. No… it's not a lot."

"Well, if you say so," said Judy shrugging.

"I do!" insisted Monica. "Don't you think we're not ready because we are! We have everything we need."

"Of course you have now," said Judy. "But what about the mess."

"Mess?"

"Judy don't scare the girl," Jack said.

"…Mess?"

………………………….

Mike sighed as he heard a knock at the door and went to answer it, to find Ross and his son Ben there. "Hey."

"Hi," said Ross.

"Hi!" cried Ben.

Mike smiled slightly, "Phoebe's not here."

"She's not? Damn, she said to meet her here for lunch," said Ross.

"Oh, yeah, she told me say to you, um, sorry but she can't make it."

Ross sighed, "Okay, well I guess we'll see you later." He and Ben began to head back.

"Oh wait Ross!" Mike stopped Ross. "Uh, I've actually been intending to talk to you about something."

"Oh yeah…" Ross said, slightly suspicious as he remembered the time they had tried to talk for hours on end last time.

"Uh, you have kids right?"

"Yeah two; one right here," Ross smiled nodding at Ben.

"Yeah, well, I've kinda been freaking out a bit… about parenthood. It's just, in four months I'm gonna be a dad. A dad. With a kid."

"Yeah, that's pretty much what parenthood's all about."

"But I don't know kids," Mike panicked. "I once hit a kid in the face with a football."

"Mike – you hit a kid in the face?"

"I know," sighed Mike. "I felt awful okay? …Although the kid kicking me in the shin afterwards took a bit of the guilt away."

Ross sighed, "Look Mike, I don't think you need to worry, you'll make a great dad. And, hey, you know what? I have to go to the library right now, so how about you, uh, look after Ben for about half an hour? You know, practise some parenting skills."

Mike shook his head, "Oh I don't know…"

"Oh come on," he addresses Ben, who was leaning against the door clearly bored. "What're you say Ben? Wanna stay with uncle mike for a while?"

"Uncle Mike? You said he was called Mr boring," said Ben loudly.

Ross looked embarrassed, "Uh, Ben, that's not -"

"Don't worry," said Mike quickly. "I call you the same thing."

Ross nodded, "Um, okay, I gotta go now. Bye Ben!" He gave his son a hug and left Mike and Ben with an awkward silence.

Mike stared at him for a moment, "So… what're you do?"

Ben frowned, "Huh?"

Mike sighed, "Great."

………………….

Joey was sat on the couch in his apartment, fingering the bracelet and glancing at the phone. "I don't want to, I don't want to," he muttered over and over again. Biting his lip, he could stand it no longer. He grabbed the phone and quickly typed in a number. He put the phone to his ear and gulped when he heard a ring.

Just then Rachel walked in and quickly he hung up. "Hey," she called.

"Hi," Joey said quietly. He put the bracelet in his pocket.

"What you doing?" asked Rachel.

"Nothing," said Joey quickly. He walked to his room.

Rachel frowned after him but said nothing. Just then the phone started ringing. She sighed and picked up, "Hello?"

"Rachel? It's jill."

"Oh. Hi," said Rachel coolly. There was a long pause. "Did you want something?" Rachel asked.

"Um, did you?" Jill said.

"Sorry?"

"What did you want?"

"Uh, nothing from you," said Rachel confused.

"What… you didn't call?"

"No!"

"Well someone from this number just called here, like, a minute ago," said Jill, annoyed.

"Well, I didn't -" she stopped suddenly. "Ohh."

"What?"

"Jill, I gotta go," said Rachel and before she could protest Rachel hung up the phone. Then she called, "Joey!"

………………………

When Monica's parents had gone Chandler walked into the living room to find Monica there. He sat down, "Man, lifting ten tonnes of baby stuff we don't need up the stair sure is fun isn't it?"

Monica smiled slightly, "Hmm, um Chandler? You, uh, ever think that maybe… threes a really big number?"

Chandler shrugged and frowned slightly, "Not much bigger than two."

Monica looked at Chandler, "Don't you think it's a bit scary?"

Chandler shook his head, "We're not just talking about numbers here are we?"

"It's just… we'll be having three kids Chandler! Three!"

"Yeah, I know Mon. I can count."

"But… what if we're terrible parents… what if they grow up to hate us?"

"Oh, come on..." said Chandler. "You are an incredible mother."

"Really? Okay… you're right. It was just the thought of three unruly teenagers hating us, but you're right… they're gonna love me."

"And me right? They'll… love me too, right?"

Monica smiled but shrugged, "If your lucky."

Chandler rolled his eyes.

……………………………

Mike and Ben both sat n the couch. An uncomfortable silence was in place as they stared ahead. "So…" Mike began. "Ben, you like music? I, uh, have a piano."

"Yeah!" said Ben.

"Yeah!?" Mike grinned and led Ben to his piano. "Okay, uh, I know some pop songs, I can -"

"Can you play Bahamian Rhapsody?" Ben interrupted.

"Uh, sure," Mike played the _Queen_ hit.

Ben looked amazed when he'd finished, "Wow! Awsome!"

"Oh, really?" Mike looked surprised.

"Yeah! That's cool!" said Ben.

"Wow… okay, how about this?" he began another song.

"The saints are coming!" cried Ben immediately.

"Yeah. So, you kids, uh, like that, huh?"

"Sure!"

"Wow, what're you know? I can entertain a 7-year-old."

"I'm ten."

Mike shrugged, "Whatever."

…………………………….

Joey enters the living room, "What?"

"I need to talk to you about something."

"Oh, Rach. If it's about the cream, it was only three times, and Emma-"

"Not that!" said Rachel. "Sit down." Joey did so. "Okay," she said. "Okay, I got a call from Jill earlier… and she said someone here called her."

"Ah," Joey looked sheepish.

"Ah? So you did call her? Why Joey? You know what she did to you!" Rachel said loudly.

"I'm sorry. It's just I've been thinking about her. And then I found something…" he took the bracelet from his pocket. "When I was looking for that movie I found this in a suitcase. I'm sorry, but it was Jill's… I got it for her a while back. I guess I just wanted to give it back to her, you know… 'coz I thought it was something special she ought to have… but I guess not."

Rachel looked at him sadly, "Oh… Joey. I'm so sorry."

Joey shook his head, still staring at the bracelet, "Nah Rach, it's okay, really. I'm fine."

Rachel looked at the bracelet in his hands, "You wanna keep that?"

Joey looked at it for a moment, "No." He stood up and dropped the silver bracelet on the floor; he hung his foot over it for a moment before standing on it, hard. "He stared at its remains, "It's time I let go."

"Wow, well done Joey. That's sure more than I could ever do."

Joey looked at Rachel and shook his head. "Don't. Don't ever let go of Ross, Rachel. Ever… because you know it's not over. Never over."

Rachel gave a faint smile, "Alright, well I'd better go and feed Emma, I'd hate for her to get used to that cream you've given her."

"Hey, that was no more than a couple of times." Rachel looked at him and he shrugged, grinning, "Or maybe a couple more…"

**Ending Credits**

Phoebe entered her apartment to find Mike and Ben singing as Ben played the piano. Ben wasn't doing very well, and all that escaped the keyboard was a lot of noise. Mike went over to Phoebe and yelled over the noise, "HEY!"

"What's going on?!" yelled Phoebe.

"I'm teaching Ben…!"

"How to make ears bleed?!"

Mike laughed nervously, "No! The piano! I can be a good father, see?!"

"Oh, so this is what it's gonna be like all the time?! I'll be out a lot then!"

Mike rolled his eyes with a shy smile.

………………….

AN: Wooo! Another down. Lol. Reviews please! How was it?


	14. TOW the DayCare

**The One With The Day-Care**

AN: The fourteenth chapter is here!! And quicker than the last one too. Thank you to everyone who reviewed, it means a lot!

………………………………

There was a knock at the door of apartment nineteen. Rachel sighed and got up from the sofa to answer it. It was the new neighbour from opposite, "Hi, I'm Nick, your new neighbour. Could I borrow a whisk… if you have one?"

"Oh, uh, hi Nick. Sure," she went and grabbed him one from the kitchen. "Here. So you're our new neighbour?"

"Yes, me and my girlfriend. Dana." He grinned.

Rachel nodded, "Oh."

"Nick?" there was a call and Dana appeared, visibly very pregnant.

"Oh!" Rachel had to step back a minute to take in the pregnancy, not expecting her to be so at all. "So you're Dana?"

Dana smiled, "Yeah… oh, you gave us the whisk, thanks! Well, we better get back. You need anything, let us know."

They left and Joey appeared from his room, "Hey, I heard voices…"

"Yeah, that was the knew neighbours, um Dana… something, and…"

"Dana?" Joey interrupted. "Like a woman? ...Really?" he grinned slyly.

"Yes, pregnant too," said Rachel and laughed at the look that changed on Joey's face. "There's a Nick someone living there as well."

"Ohh, yeah, I think I met him," said Joey frowning.

"It might be nice to get to know them," said Rachel.

Joey sighed, "What, do we have to? Why?"

"Uh, to make friends."

"Why? I have friends."

Rachel rolled her eyes, "Fine, but don't blame me if it turns out they have a pool table and swimming pool or something."

"I won't, but I will if that woman turns out to be single though."

**Starting Credits**

Joey was sat down next to Chandler in Central Perk the following afternoon. "Hey, listen man. You wanna come out to this new bar tonight? It'll be fun, we can get drunk, check out the _ladies_ , and have lots of sex," said Joey. "With the ladies!" he added quickly.

Chandler nodded. "Oh yeah sure. That really would be the perfect way to wind up divorced."

Joey sighed, "I don't mean you have to do anything. I just think it'll be better for me if you're there. You know, so the _ladies_ know I'm not some loner."

"When has that ever stopped you before?"

Joey shrugged, "Ah, some new game plan. Now, are you coming or not?"

Chandler sighed, "Fine. But if Monica doesn't like it and divorces me, I'm holding you responsible."

Joey held up his hands in mock defeat, "Fair enough."

Just then Ross entered, carrying Emma. "Hey!"

"Hi!" said Chandler and Joey.

"Hey, you guys guess what," Ross said. "I just pamphlets for a day care centre for Emma."

"Really?" said Chandler.

"Yeah, and look, it's really good. It has everything." He began to read from the pamphlet, "'A new experience of learning in an environment that suits the needs of your child. It holds a range of educational and mind exercising activities to engage your child, giving them the best chance.'"

"Wow," said Joey. "I think I actually fell asleep listening to that." He got up, "If you guys are gonna go all fatherly on me, I'm gonna go get some coffee."

As Joey went up to the counter, Rachel entered. She sat next to Ross and Chandler on the sofa, "Hey."

"Hey Rach," said Ross quickly. "Look what I found." He showed Rachel the day care leaflets.

Rachel frowned as she read through them, "Ross, what're we need day care for, we have a nanny?"

"Yeah, but look. This day care is _educational_ !" Ross insisted. "Now, I'm not saying Molly doesn't care for Emma but we could give Emma care _and_ broader knowledge by -"

Rachel interrupted, "What are you talking about broader knowledge? Emma's only just turned two for God's sake! The most knowledge she needs at the moment is how to get the food in her mouth!"

Ross scowled, "Oh, come on! Look, at the leaflet, we could turn Emma into a genius!"

"Yes, I can see that," said Rachel looking at the information in front of her. "Let's see: One o clock – Maths time, two o clock – critical thinking, three o clock – Physics! Ross, she is two - not senior at college!"

Ross looked firm, "Actually that lesson's called physics fun!"

Rachel sighed, "No Ross!"

"Fine," he said. "But don't come crying to me when she's the bottom of the class!"

Rachel gave a sarcastic smile, "I'll try."

………….

Later that day Phoebe and Monica were at Monica's house talking in the living room. "Oh, so Mon," Phoebe was saying. "You wanna come to my Lamaze class with me?"

Monica looked doubtful, "Lamaze class?"

"Yeah! Come on, we can go together, it'll be fun!" Phoebe insisted. "I mean, alright, at first I wasn't sure about it. I mean, you know, being taught how to push a baby out of your vagina? I think I can work it out for myself, you know… but really though, it's fun! So you wanna come?"

"Will you stop talking about babies and vagina's?"

"Absolutely."

"I'm there."

…………….

That evening Chandler and Joey were just walking into a crowded bar. Chandler frowned around at the place as he entered carrying a small carrier bag in his right hand. Joey looked at the bag as they entered. "What's that?"

"Oh, just some stuff for Monica."

"Oh yeah, let's see," he grabbed the bag before Chandler could protest and peeked inside. "Flower seeds?!" he laughed.

Chandler grabbed them back, "Yes! To make our home a more welcoming environment!"

Joey snorted, "Oh okay, little girl."

Chandler sighed and led them over to a spot at the back of the room. "Okay then, so you go hit on all the beautiful women whilst I sit here like an idiot waiting for you make sure the women know you're not a loner, right?"

Chandler expected Joey to nod, but instead he looked nervously around at the women about. "Uh, yeah," he muttered, his voice full of apprehension.

"What's wrong?" asked Chandler frowning.

"Nothing," said Joey. "It's just… I haven't actually…" he fidgeted, unable to find the right words. "You know… you know… since Jill."

Chandler raised his eyebrows, "You haven't a sex since Jill?!"

"Well," said Joey defensively. "I've been a bit hung up on her!"

Chandler smiled slightly, "You know I had sex two days ago. You haven't had sex in almost a month. I am the manly man here out of the two of us. Wow, this is what it feels like to be the man of the place…" Chandler looked pleased.

Joey put him down though, "You really wanna talk about being manly, huh flower boy?"

Chandler smile fell and he glared at Joey.

………………..

Rachel, Emma and Ross were in the coffee house that evening, just about to leave as they argued over same thing they had done all day. Rachel propped Emma further up her hip as Ross said, "Rachel, come on. It's the best day care in the city."

Rachel sighed, "I'm getting really bored of this Ross."

Ross shook his head as he put his coat on, "Rach, I only want what's best for our child."

"And so do I! Without putting her in some geek prison for kids with no freedom!"

"Look, Rach, we're gonna pass it on the way back anyway. Please can't we just take a look inside?"

Rachel gave a grudging sigh, "Fine! Then maybe you'll see these tiny children are suffering."

"Suffering? They're becoming geniuses," muttered Ross.

…………………….

Chandler sighed, "Would you just go over to her, already?"

Joey looked at the pretty blonde by the bar. For the third time that night she gave him a dazzling smile. Joey sighed; his confidence was shaken. For some odd reason, he couldn't help comparing her to Jill. Quickly, he shook that from his mind and turned to Chandler, "You think she's hot?"

"Yes! Sure! Now just go!" Chandler insisted.

"I can't, I'm nervous. God, it feels like the first time or something!" Joey said agitated. "Can't you go bring her over here?"

Chandler grumbled, "Joey, if I did that I'd be sleeping on the couch tonight. Now go!"

Joey sighed and did as he was told. Getting up he told Chandler, "Alright I'll be back here when I've scored."

"Okay!" Chandler said keenly as Joey went over to the blonde.

Chandler watched as Joey went up to the girl and began talking with a smile in place. Chandler recognised the words 'How you doin' come out of Joey's mouth as he pointed to the drink in her hand, and she smiled and nodded. Eventually he bought her a drink and they continued to chat. Chandler looked around at the empty table he was at, and the ladies on the following table who smirked at him as they noticed him watching Joey intently. He gave a heavy sigh, "Man I look sad."

………………………

Phoebe and Monica walked to their Lamaze class that evening. Monica asked, "So where's Mike?"

"At a gig," said Phoebe dully.

When they arrived Phoebe cheered up and entered the class full of confidence, while Monica seemed to shrink a little. Phoebe noticed. "Are you okay? You know, you're not gonna be showing them anything."

Monica smiled, "I know, it's just a bit soon."

"Monica relax," Phoebe said. "I mean, come on, the place is clean, isn't it?"

"Yeah but -"

"People!" interrupted the woman in charge at front. She smiled at the class and popped in a DVD to show them. It was a birthing film of a woman giving birth. As they watched Monica became transfixed and horrified as she stared at the TV. It reminded her very much of the birthing video she had watched with Rachel and Chandler.

When the film was over Monica stood up and gave a huge sigh of fear. She looked at Phoebe. "Really gets you into the zone of what we're gonna have to do, huh?"

Phoebe waved her off, "Ah, I've done it three times before."

"Yeah…" Monica trailed off.

"You're not scared are you Mon? I mean I thought this was something you've been wanting, like, for most of your life?" Phoebe said.

"Yeah! The baby part!" said Monica loudly. "I'd gladly skip the first bit."

"Look you don't to worry about it. It, really it, it doesn't hurt at all."

Monica laughed, "Doesn't hurt?"

Phoebe looked sheepish, "Well, maybe a little."

………………………..

Unfortunately, the day-care centre was closed by the time Ross and Rachel reached it. Ross repeatedly pulled on the door handle. He shook his head, "No, closed."

"Well I guess that's it then," said Rachel as she lifted Emma closer to her.

"What –? What –? That's it? Oh, no, no, no." said Ross. "You are not gonna get out of it because this little technicality. Just because it's closed does not mean it's a bad place."

"Well, maybe not," said Rachel, peeping in through the windows. "But those desks do not say _Barney and friends_ !"

Ross looked in, then back at Rachel. He sighed, "Alright, alright. Fine I guess I was getting a little… carried away."

Rachel snorted "A little?" She and Ross looked down at little Emma, now asleep in Rachel arms.

"You know, I only wanted what's best for her," said Ross.

"I know," Rachel assured him. She smiled at him, and he smiled back.

For a moment it was almost like old times, until Ross said with a clearing of the throat, "Right, um… she's at my apartment tonight?"

Rachel nodded quickly, "Yes." She gave Emma to Ross, along with all her things, and they said goodnight, heading their separate ways into the night.

……………

Chandler arrived home that evening rubbing his head and giving a sigh as he collapsed next to his wife on the sofa. His closed his eyes as he said grudgingly, "Hey honey, I'm home."

Monica gave out a small laugh, "Where have you been?"

Chandler lifted his head, "A bar with Joey. Of course he _said_ it was due to a new 'game plan'. But I ended spending most of the night alone. God, Joey's getting too young for me… or I'm getting too old for him."

Monica laughed, "You're barely a few months apart... and you're younger than him!"

"Yeah, but I'm married. I think maybe it's weighing me down," said Chandler, then he quickly caught sight of his wife's face and added quickly. "I mean, I mean weighing me up! I mean making me younger!" he struggled.

Monica laughed yet again, "I love you too."

Chandler grinned, "So, how was your day?"

"Well, um, let's see… you mean besides reliving the reality that soon I will be squeezing a giant doll-like person out of my vagina? Oh nothing."

"What? What do you mean?" asked Chandler.

Monica shook her head, "I don't know, just the reality of the birth I guess."

"Hey," he put his arm around her. "You'll be fine, we will. We're getting another baby."

**Ending Credits**

The following morning Joey sneaked out of his bedroom, where the blonde from last night was now sleeping and went into the kitchen, wanting some breakfast, when there was a knock at the door. He sighed and went to answer it, finding a very pretty but very pregnant woman there. "Hi," she said. "I came to bring your whisk back."

"Oh, thanks," said Joey, looking up from her belly and taking the whisk. "So, you're pregnant Dana."

"Yeah, I'm Dana, or pregnant Dana," she grinned jokingly. "What gave that away?"

Joey laughed, "Well, it's nice meeting you."

"And you," she said and left.

Joey shook his head as he shut the door, "Pregnant with a boyfriend… shame."

……………………..

AN: What do you think? Review please. The first to review takes me to one hundred reviews!! Whoa! What you think of this though people??


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